When Bad Guys Play by the Rules
by T.B. Stormshot
Summary: Technicalities can be a villian's best friend as Cell and the rest figure out down in H.E.L.L. Let's just say, Cell's glad he has kids...
1. Part 1

When Bad Guys Play by the Rules  
But only when it suits them of course  
  
By: The Master-genius with a very short attention span-Windsifter  
  
Who's very weak by the way  
And thinks robots *of all kinds* are cool  
GO ZOIDS! GO TRANSFORMERS! GO GUNDAM! GO ALL OTHER SHOWS WITH ROBOTS IN THEM THAT I'VE FORGOTTEN!  
Except for anything from Cubix cuz I don't like that show...  
  
I love robots, unfortunately, none show up in this fic, Cell doesn't count...  
  
  
-I don't own anything Dragonball Z related, except for a pile of graphic novels and a Piccolo figure. *sighs*  
Which includes all characters... in this fanfic... yeah... just shut up...-  
  
  
Cell yawned as he looked over his cards, ever since he and the other villians he had "teamed up" with had been imprisoned by that Piakuhan, he had taken to playing cards with the Ginyu Force. Yes, they were low-life, low-leveled clowns, but they were the only source of entertainment in the tiny prison cell.  
  
"Got any... Twos?" Cell asked Burter, looking at his cards, he only needed one more Two...  
  
"Go Fish," Burter yawned as he glanced at his cards, he then slouched back into the slumped position against the wall.   
  
Cell shrugged and picked the top card out of the deck, he then grinned. "Hah, got my Two anyway," he sneered before placing his pair of Twos down. He leaned back, mildly pleased with himself.  
  
Burter simply snorted, Cell was already winning with 4 pairs as compared to the rest of the players with their one pair or two. He himself only having 3. "Yeah, whatever. Frieza, got any Sevens?" he asked as he looked at his hand.  
  
Frieza sighed and flicked a Seven at him, "Question. Why are we playing "Go Fish" instead of "Poker" or something more serious?" he asked as he studied his nails with nonchalancy.  
  
"Because there's nothing here to bet besides clothes, and you and Cell aren't even wearing any," Jeice immediately answered, combing through his hair with his right hand. He had declined from the present game, prefering to stare vacantly out through the bars, at the 'real' world.  
  
Most formalities had been done away with long ago, after a casual friendship proved more interesting then ranks, Frieza even *almost* didn't mind being mildly insulted, provided he could insult just as much back.  
  
Frieza sighed, "True, how dull..."  
  
Burter sighed suddenly before standing up and walking over to the bars of the prison. "I'm starting to go INSANE in here!" he yelled as he started bonking his head against the bars.  
  
"No shit... bet you go next..." Guldo answered, referring to poor Recoome who had gone utterly out of his mind and had began stalking the others in the cell with a spoon, he had then been removed for his own safety, he had scared Frieza's father SO much, that they needed to remove King Kold as well.   
  
Cell yawned again, "I wonder how my children are doing..." he wondered out loud, thinking about the 7 ADORABLE creatures he had spawned, oh yes, he loved his CUTE little Cell Jrs...  
  
Frieza suddenly blinked, "Children? Since when did YOU have children Cell?!"  
  
"Hm? Since, about... the day I died," Cell told him, shrugging. "I could have sworn I told you before..."  
  
"Heh, Cell?! With KIDS?!" Guldo asked incredulously, chuckling at the thought. He layed his cards down, foreseeing that the card game was over.  
  
Cell frowned with a twinge of annoyance. "And what exactly is wrong with me being a father? I'm a pretty good one! My children are absolutely the most SWEETEST things you will EVER set eyes on. And they are all VERY well-behaved..."  
  
"When was the last time you saw'em?" Jeice asked, twisting over to look at Cell.  
  
Cell frowned unhappily again, remembering when Gohan MURDERED them... "The last time I saw them was when that MONSTER Gohan murdered them all..." he sighed angrily, then sniffing, remembering the cute faces of his children...  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," Jeice apologized, realizing he had stepped in a sensitive area. He then twisted back to look out the barred door.  
  
Guldo suddenly straightened up, blinking all four of his eyes. "Wait! You have KIDS?!" he asked urgently, looking at Cell with obvious excitement.  
  
Cell looked at him oddly before answering, "Yeeess..."  
  
"As in, short little, not-quite-fully-grown, still-in-need-of-help, KIDS?!" he repeated, making sure of what he just heard.  
  
"Yes, I. Have. Kids. Seven of them," Cell told him, becoming quite confused by Guldo's actions.  
  
"As in, not baby goats, or anything?!"  
  
"Say, Guldo, are you feeling... alright?" Jeice asked nervously, they did NOT need another Recoome on their hands...  
  
"And you're saying they're DEAD??!!"  
  
"Hey! Do I start mocking YOUR parenting skills?" Cell asked angrily.  
  
"But-but they're all DEAD?! Right??!" Guldo asked again anxiously, shaking in excitement.  
  
"...yes..."  
  
Guldo grinned widely. "You have KIDS Cell! KIDS!! DEAD KIDS!!!!" He then proceeded to do some sort of twisted victory dance around the prison cell, chanting in a joyous voice "Cell has Ki-ids! Cell has Ki-ids! Cell has Ki-ids!"  
  
Frieza stopped him coldly by the arm and lifted him up, becoming rather annoyed in the last minute by the four-eyed alien. "And why exactly are you acting like a fool over this?"  
  
"BECAUSE! THOSE kids, are our ticket out of this cell!" he told Frieza, not fazed in the least by Frieza's anger with him.  
  
Frieza immediately dropped him, even the CHANCE of getting out of their own private cage was worth putting up with the pea-colored, over-eyeballed Ginyu member. "What do you mean our ticket out of here?!" he asked in surprise.  
  
At the mention of a way out, the rest of the prisoners snapped to attention, ANYTHING was better then the perpetually BORING prison cell.   
  
"What do MY children have to do with ANYTHING in your crazy scheme?" Cell asked suspiciously, he REALLY wanted to get out, but he loved his Cell Jrs. way too much to put them in harm's way. Fighting a pack of weaklings on Earth was ONE thing, using them for crazy escapades was quite another.  
  
"Everything! It's in the RULEBOOK!! The RULEBOOK!" Guldo yelled at them, not making too much sense to the rest of the group.  
  
"And that means..." Jeice asked,still wondering if Guldo wasn't just a little "out" of it.  
  
"Come ON! Doesn't ANYBODY here READ?! The rulebook says, and I state, 'And in the process of becoming a member of H.E.L.L. if any spawn, child, or produce, below the age of 18(or at whatever age adolescence , should be sent also to H.E.L.L then the parent and/or relatives must be made eligible to care for the minor, without exception. Do you KNOW what that MEANS?!" Guldo asked excitedly.  
  
"No, no we don't," Burter answered truthfully, "Have you LOST it Guldo??"  
  
"No you idiot! It means, if Cell's got kids, they gotta let him out so he can take care of them!"  
  
Cell's and also the rest of the group's mouths dropped open at this information. The solution had been in front of their NOSES, the whole time.  
  
Frieza regained his composure first, giving Guldo a suspicious look. "And what, persay, would this do for US? WE aren't related to them, "suddenly though, he remembered the fact that Cell was partially made up of HIS DNA," well actually, I am. But the rest of you aren't." Frieza shrugged and smiled widely, being a grandfather had its perks.  
  
"Suuure we are... we're their... Uncles..." Jeice grinned at Frieza, Frieza shrugged, not particularily caring.  
  
"Exactly!" Guldo grinned, nodding up and down.  
  
  
  
"Excuse ME! Can we get a little SERVICE around here?!" Cell yelled angrily, banging on the bars of the door. "Come ON now!"   
  
Cell and the rest of the imprisoned group had been making as much ruckus as they possibly could for the last half-hour, needless to say, they had help from the various screaming and yelling at them to "shut up".  
  
"We could use a little HELP here!" Guldo yelled, racking a tin cup against the bars.   
  
"Hell-oooo??" Frieza yelled.  
  
"In need of assistance down here!" Jeice yelled..  
  
"Want. Help! COME ON!!" Burter yelled anxiously, the walls were starting to close in on him...  
  
"WHAT??!!" yelled a nearby voice, the villianous team shut up for a moment as they heard someone FINALLY coming to check up on them. "Now what in the H.E.L.L's firey blazes is goin' on a'round t'here? Here I am, s'tryin ta get ta sleep, and dere's all this ruckus comin' from down here! WHAT?!" the demon asked in an angry voice, he rubbed the back of his red head, and brushed through his thinning grayish-black hair.  
  
"Excuse me *sir*, but is seems to be, that there has been a mistake in imprisoning us," Cell told the rather increpid old demon.  
  
"What's this all about?" the demon coughed as he readjusted his glasses.   
  
It's seems, that you have no right to imprison us," Cell continued slowly, making sure the elderly demon actually HEARD them.  
  
The demon blinked at them before bursting into a fit of laughter. "Yeah! That's sure a good ol' one! We gots no rights ta imprison ya! Real good that is!" he told them between chuckles, he wiped tear from his eyes. "Believe me! I've been workin' here for 150 million sump'thin years, and I'll tell ya this, EVERYBODY who comes in here was meant ta BE here yup!"  
  
"And tell me, did any of those people have KIDS with them?" Cell asked, giving off a confident smirk.  
  
The demon lost the smile for a moment and blinked. "Uh, no... Can't recall any ever haven' kids with'em..."  
  
"Well I kinda DO have kids with me, and according to the RULEBOOK, that gives me and my comrades here, a Get-Out-Of-Jail FREE card, doesn't it?" Cell told him.  
  
The demon turned pink for a moment before he whipped out the giant rulebook and started to study it. After about five good minutes (in which the Cell in the other waited VERY impatiently through) he looked up with an astonished look on his face. "Well doggon'it! It's TRUE!" He yelled in a shocked voice.  
  
"No shit" Guldo yawned.  
  
"Uh, just a minute! I gotta go tell mey superior about's this!" the old demon told them in a shocked voice before hurrying off.  
  
Wait a minute!" Jeice yelled, as the demon speeded off. "Ah come ON! Let's get OUT already!"   
  
"We better get out of here soon, or I'm liable to do ANYTHING at this point," Burter growled angrily, the walls had subsided... for now...  
  
Frieza sighed, "This is REALLY starting to get on my nerves."  
  
  
(3 hours later)  
  
  
Cell concentrated strongly over the cards held before him, there were two, if he chose the right one, he would win. The wrong one however... "Hm, this one," he said as he plucked a card out of Jeice's hand. He turned it around... "Darn!" he yelled angrily as he looked at the grinning face of the joker. "I HATE this game..."  
  
Jeice shrugged, "Old Maid isn't THAT hard of a game..."  
  
"Stop that Burter, it's getting on my nerves," Frieza yelled at Burter, who had been banging his large blue head against the wall for the past half an hour.  
  
Burter stopped slammig his head against the wall but only barely. "I can't help it! I got to get out of here!"   
  
"Well crushing your already-empty head isn't going to do much is it?!" Guldo exclaimed in annoyance, he had become slightly peeved in the last few hours.  
  
Burter sighed, "You just don't get it..."  
  
"What don't I get, the fact that beating your head on a wall doesn't get you anywhere?! You are such an idiot Burter!" Guldo yelled, throwing his cards to the floor in frustration.  
  
"Come on! We don't need a fight here!" Frieza yelled.  
  
"Oh shut up! At least I didn't make a PASS on Vegeta!" Burter yelled angrily.  
  
Frieza gasped in horror, "What?! I-I never m-made a-a- THAT'S IT! YOU DIE!" Frieza leaped at Burter just as Guldo did.  
  
"Help!" Burter screamed as he tried to fend off the two attackers.  
  
"What the-?! Heck, come on, we're practically out of here! we don't need this you sorry bunch of slaggin'-" Cell started yelling angrily.  
  
"Hey! At least THEY can win at OLD MAID!" Jeice yelled at Cell, trying to protect the rest of the Ginyu Force.  
  
"SHUT UP!" Cell screeched before attacking Jeice.  
  
"Here they's are boss!" the increpid demon said as he finally came back from speaking to his employer.  
  
"So... these guys have kids...?" King Enma said in disbelief as he watched the dead villians duke it out.  
  
The fight stopped suddenly as the group suddenly realized just who in fact, was there. An uncomfortable silence spread throughout the cell as the villians untangled themselves and looked at their jailor.  
  
"Uh, hi..." Guldo said uncomfortably.  
  
"I'll ignore what just happened, it'll make things easier...... my underling here says one of you has kids..." King Enma said as he rubbed his large red forehead.  
  
"That's ALL of us," Burter quickly reminded, "We're all related! Yeah! Me, Guldo, and Jeice, we're... uncles!"  
  
"Yeah! That's the ticket!" Jeice quickly added.  
  
"And you?" King Enma asked as he looked at Frieza.  
  
"I, am a grandfather..." Frieza said with pride, shooting a dirty look to the remaining Ginyu force when they began to snicker.  
  
"That's odd, you don't look all that old..." King Enma said suspiciously.  
  
Frieza shrugged, "This is H.E.L.L."  
  
King Enma nodded in agreement before turning his eyes to Cell, "And what are you?"  
  
"A biological android created to be the perfect destroying machine. I'm the father," Cell said as he shrugged.  
  
"You're an android," Lord Enma repeated, a bit suspicious about his reproduction.  
  
"A BIOLOGICAL android," Cell emphasized.  
  
Lord Enma blinked before taking out his large "Who's Who book", "Names of the kids?" he asked nonchalantly.  
  
"The Cell Jrs." Cell told him, his heart swelling at the thought of his SWEET little children...  
  
"The Cell... Jrs...?" Lord Enma repeated incredulously.  
  
"Hey! I had them in the middle of a battle and they were... MURDERED ten minutes after! I didn't exactly have much time to NAME them now did I?!" Cell yelled angrily, hatred waxing at the thought of his children's murderer.  
  
"Riiight...," Lord Enma said slowly as he gave Cell an odd look. He then began to page through his book, "Cell jrs, Cell jrs... let's see..." after about 5 minutes of paging through the book he finally found the little buggers, "Cell, Cell Jrs! Here we are, jeez..." he said in surprise as he read up on them...  
  
"What? What's the jeez for??" Cell asked earnestly, eager to hear about just how his children were coming along.  
  
"It says here your... children, are being quite a handful down in the nursery," Lord Enma told him as he paged through the "bad deeds" the children had perfomed. "They've driven out 57 caretakers, pulled various pranks on everyone there, and-" at this point Lord Enma gasped, "Th-they've stolen some of my special FRUIT! Why those-those little-" Lord Enma seethed, he absolutely HATED it when people touched his fruit, much less TOOK it.  
  
Cell simply swelled with pride, "Of course, they ARE the children of a perfect being, of course they would be perfect," he said as he stood up straighter then usual, the rest of the group simply looked at him strangely before shrugging it off.  
  
"Okay, that's it," said Lord Enma, steaming mad about the fact that his fruit had been STOLEN. "YOU are going to TAKE CARE of these little brats! I will NOT tolerate such HEINOUS acts in H.E.L.L.! My special fruit... if they were anybody else I'd-"  
  
"Excuse me Lord Enma, but it's a bit hard to take care of *ahem* OUR children, if we're behind these bars..." Burter reminded Lord Enma as he pointed at the bars of the cell.  
  
"Hm? Oh, yes, let them out," Lord Enma said nonchalently as he looked at his hickish-underling. "But be WARNED-" Lord Enma suddenly shouted out before the demon could make a move. "If you try to take over the underworld you'll find yourself right back in here again! You got me?"   
  
"M'okay" Cell shrugged.  
  
"Good," Lord Enma nodded seriously. He blinked and shrugged, "Okay, let'm out."  
  
"Yessirree Mr. Lord Enma Sir!" the old demon said excitedly as he complied.  
  
"I really do wonder how my sweet little Cell Jrs. are doing..." sighed Cell as he imagined his children.  
  
  
*sings* Oooh, this is not the end, but it could be, I don't knooow...   
  
  
Kinda depends on that fact, if people like it, then I'll write more parts, if people hate it, then it's just dandy as a short little story. I know I liked it, I also know I have many, many jokes for the Cell Jrs.... but like I said, I really don't know, I'm not totally and utterly DEPENDING on reviews... I just like them, they feel good... I like attention, I like much attention... *shrugs* Besides, even if nobody does, I know... I have plenty of other things to work on... like SAIYAMON, for instance, now THERE'S a comedy... 


	2. Part 2

When Bad Guys Play by the rules  
But only when it suits them of course  
  
By: Tornadobuster a.k.a. Wind_sifter, the person with the temporarily long name  
  
Just to let you all know, the name you see at the top is only temporary for a bit. In a week or so, I'll be dropping the Wind_sifter bit and I'll just be Tornadobuster. *sighs* I've been Windsifter forever, but now it must end... Only have it right now, cuz I'd like to let people know who I am... *sighs again* None of you care do you...  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own Dragonball Z, I hate you all, well, no, not really, you people review my stories, then I like you. Except when you review badly, then I don't hate you of course, because then I'd be a hypocrite, and that isn't very nice...  
  
Oh yeah, I own Mz. Icy, and the idea that there is a nursery down in H.E.L.L.  
...............................................................................................................................................................................................  
  
"There we go, uh-huh!" Lord Enma's underling said as he opened the prison door.  
  
"Good, now remember don't-" Lord Enma started to remind the empty cage. "Hey, where'd they go?!"  
  
"They's a went blazin' outta that there cage when as soons as I's a opened it. ZOOM! Ya know?" the demon gestered with a swish of his hand. "Can I's a get'cha anything Lord Enma Sir?"  
  
"Why the nerve, I'm the Lord of the Dead, you'd think I'd get a little respect around my own domain, but Nooooo, these people just BLAZE out of of here without so much as a goodbye, and then with all those people stealing my- Nah, I don't need anything, just... keep an eye on those guys... we DON'T need anymore trouble. H.E.L.L's STILL trying to get reorganized from the LAST attack..."  
  
"Them's attack? The one that there fine fella Piakuhan breaked up?" the demon asked as he closed up the cage.  
  
"No! The other one! The one that got Piakuhan KILLED!" King Enma yelled. "You remember, the one with the little green guy, and that girl. Her name, it was uh-"  
  
"Oh yeah! THEM'S attack! Yup! I's 'member THAT alright! That girl's her name waz-uh, Breezy... or sump'thin... uh say, ain't Piakuhan was dead already??" the demon questioned in confusion, he scratched the top of his horned-head.  
  
"Yes, yes he was..."  
  
  
  
"I'm hungry, let's get something to eat," Burter yelled, as he flew.  
  
"NO! I WANT MY LITTLE CELL JRS!" Cell screamed as he flew at full speed, the rest struggling to keep up.  
  
"Hey! We just got out of that stupid cage too! We DON'T have to get your stupid kids right away!" Jeice yelled.  
  
Suddenly Cell stopped in his tracks, Frieza and the Ginyu Force barely stopping from running into him.  
  
Cell slowly turned his head towards Jeice, eyes slitted in menace. "So my babies are... stupid?"   
  
Jeice gulped fearfully and started to back away. "No, heh heh, your-your kids aren't stupid, no! Of course not! Heh, who, would be... dumb enough to say, heh, s-something as stupid as-as that?" Jeice grinned widely as he tried to look very, very small.  
  
Cell smiled evily as he turned back to his course, "Goooood," he said shiftily. He took a deep breath and smiled. "Ah, yes, my little Cell Jrs... soon your days of terror will be over, for I, Cell, your beloved father will soon be with you." Cell's usually very harsh face softened at the thought of his adorable children and he sighed lovingly. "Onward then!"  
  
"Wait, wait a moment now!" Guldo yelled angrily, who had FINALLY caught up with the rest of the group. Being the weakest, he had been left behind in the dust.  
  
"What?!" Cell hissed as he stooped over and twisted back to give Guldo a VERY evil eye.  
  
"Um, that is..." Guldo suddenly gulped, as he looked for a way out.  
  
"What Guldo means to say, is that we don't even KNOW where the nursery is! We're just wandering aimlessly around H.E.L.L without a CLUE as to where we are supposed to go! How are we supposed to find your children like this?!" Frieza told Cell, yawning slightly.   
  
Cell blinked and tapped is chin. "That's a good point, I suppose we should stop and ask," Cell said thoughtfully.  
  
Jeice scoffed, "We don't need to stop for directions, we can do just find on our own!"  
  
"Jeice, just shut up. I'm hungry," Burter said in annoyance, hungrily holding his stomach. "Let's   
just let Cell get his kids, and then I'm off to find a taco stand. Okay?!"  
  
"Jeez, fine! No need to get huffy about it..." Jeice muttered as he backed off. "Asking for directions is just so degrading though... all those locals, getting all, UPPITY about everything..." Jeice mumbled angrily.  
  
"Alright then," Cell said as he shrugged as he suddenly shot straight downwards from his position some 4 thousand feet off the ground, give or take.  
  
"And as soon as we get his children, we can try taking over H.E.L.L again! Heeheehahahahahaheheheeeeh......!" Frieza giggled insanely, before following.  
  
Guldo watched Frieza fly downwards and looked up at the rest of the remaining Ginyu force with a look of slight confusion. "Say, is it just me, or has anybody else noticed that our personalities are really screwed up?"  
  
Burter and Jeice looked at each other before shrugging. "Maybe, just a little," Burter said, scratching his head.  
  
"A little, possibly meaning almost totally unrecognizable," Jeice shrugged nonchalantly.  
  
"I think it has to do with the fumes," Burter said as he pointed upwards towards some point in the sky.  
  
"Yeah, the fumes," Jeice agreed as both he and Burter shot downwards, following Cell and Frieza.  
  
Guldo watched them both for a moment before shrugging. "I suppose that makes sense."  
  
  
"So, what are we going to do?" Nappa asked as he shifted weight from one foot to the next.  
  
"Shut up Nappa. Just shut up. And didn't I tell you to stop following me?!" Raditz yelled at him, as he sat, indian-style, on a large flat rock near a blood-red, yet still quite pretty stream.  
  
Nappa shrugged, "Yeah."   
  
"So why don't you just stop following me!!" Raditz yelled angrily as he threw a large rock into the stream, soaking Nappa with the splash.  
  
Nappa looked at his dripping saiya-jin uniform and shrugged again. "It's armor, water doesn't affect it."  
  
"I don't care! Just get away from me!" Raditz yelled angrily.  
  
"Jeez you are so CRANKY!" Nappa said in a slightly hurt voice as he crossed his arms across his chest.  
  
"What do you EXPECT?! This is H.E.L.L!!! I'm DEAD! I'm not exactly going to jump for joy you know!" Raditz yelled again.  
  
"Well, you don't have to take it all out on me..." Nappa grumbled.  
  
"Of COURSE I do! I wouldn't even BE here if you and Vegeta would have just wished me back like you were SUPPOSED to!" Raditz screamed furiously, his face going red with anger.  
  
"I told you! It wasn't My IDEA! It was Vegeta's!" Nappa defended for the six billionth time.  
  
"AND YOU WENT ALONG WITH IT!!" Raditz screamed even louder, his face now a very defined beet red.  
  
"What can you expect!? Vegeta's really STRONG!"  
  
"... go away..." Raditz growled.  
  
"I SAID I was sor-"  
  
"Just go AWAY!" Raditz yelled.  
  
"Say, can either of you tell me where the nursery is?"  
  
"Hm?" Raditz and Nappa looked up just in time to see Cell and the rest drop down from the sky.   
  
Nappa's eyes widened as he recognized Frieza inside the group. "Hey Raditz! Look! It's Master Frieza!" Nappa said excitedly as he shook Raditz's shoulder.  
  
"What do YOU want?" Raditz sneered angrily.  
  
Frieza shrugged as Cell pushed him aside. "I'm assuming you two know each other, but I really don't care. Do you know where the nursery is?" Cell asked earnestly.  
  
"What, so you can put Frieza in there?" Raditz cracked recklessly.  
  
Frieza's face turned a dark shade of blue. "You'll PAY for that!!" he yelled as he powered up for an attack.  
  
"Frieza! Um, uh, MASTER Frieza. We, really, REALLY can't afford this right now!" Jeice said bravely as he stood, directly to the side of Frieza. "The word, Probation, mean anything to you?"  
  
"Yes, yeees, Probation..." Frieza hissed as he powered down. "You get off easily THIS time..." Frieza turned away and crossed his arms, grumbling.  
  
"NOW can you tell me where the nursery is?! I gotta pick up my Kids!!" Cell said anxiously. "They're counting on me!"  
  
"Oh, the nursery? Go about 4 miles down Evel street, take a left on Murder's road, and then look for the red sign, you can't miss it," Nappa told Cell, pointing west.  
  
"Not unless you're as STUPID as Nappa is..." Raditz grumbled angrily.  
  
"As the Crow flies?" Cell inquired.  
  
"Go west, THEN look for the red sign," Nappa said as he pointed west again.  
  
"We'll be able to SEE it?" Guldo asked suspiciously.  
  
"It's a big sign," Nappa said as he shrugged.  
  
"Bye!" Cell snapped as he shot up into the air.  
  
"Hey! HEY! Cell! Wait for US!" the others yelled as they quickly followed.  
  
Nappa watched for a moment as the group disappeared into the sky, before turning back to Raditz. "You know, that wasn't really very smart..."  
  
"What? What wasn't smart?" Raditz asked with malice.  
  
"Well, you know... saying Frieza belonged in a nusery. He's pretty strong you know..."  
  
"So?" Raditz challenged.  
  
"Well, he could have blasted you to bits..." Nappa said as he shrugged.  
  
"So? He can't kill me. I'm already DEAD!" Raditz screamed furiously.  
  
"He could have blasted off your arms and legs, that wouldn't have killed you." Nappa reminded him, pointing his index finger up in a knowing matter.  
  
"So what? They would have grown back..."  
  
  
  
"That's IT! I can't TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" screamed a pretty young demon with large purple hair, as she stormed out of the building with the extremely large red sign. "I am OUT OF HERE!!"  
  
"Oh come on! PLEASE! Stay! At least another week until I find a replacement! Come on!" yelled what looked like an ice-jin, as she followed the demon, begging.  
  
"NO! I can NOT stand those little-little MONSTERS for another second! They are driving me INSANE!!" the demon screeched as she pushed the ice-jin out of her way.  
  
The red-haired ice-jin unhappily watched as the demon jumped in her car and rammed down on the gas, determined to get as far as she could, away from the despicable mini-Hell, known as... the nursery.  
  
The ice-jin made a non-definable noise before growling and yelling out at the demon. "Okay, YOU'RE NOT GETTING PAID FOR THIS!!!"   
  
She then sighed and went back inside. "You just had to, DIDN'T YOU?! That's the second one this WEEK! How in the farthest edges of SPACE and TIME, am I SUPPOSED to WORK, if I don't have a CREW??!!!" she then preceded to scream at the children.  
  
One of the kids shrugged, "You could always clone yourself Mz. Icy, it's been done."  
  
"Hey, we're DEAD kid, how the heck am I supposed to CLONE myself, if all the little cells in my body are DEAD? Besides, you know cloning is illegal in H.E.L.L." Mz. Icy sighed.  
  
"NOW you got a problem," the kid laughed as he started practicing ki shots against an already partially destroyed wall.  
  
Mz. Icy sighed again, "I hate you all..."  
  
  
  
Another very short part. The next part will also be short, if not shorter. I don't know, I haven't written it yet. It will probably... I can almost certainly promise that it WILL be funny, maybe, just a little bit........ uh, um, uuuuhhh... CELL RULES! 


	3. Part 3

..................................When Bad Guys Play by the rules..................................  
  
But only when it suits them of course  
  
..................By the ever so wonderful and talented Tornadobuster, tamer of tornados, buster of hurricanes....  
....................................................and also quite good at all that is brown and chocolaty................................  
  
Third part is up. Yay. And *big shock* it is -slightly- longer then the second part!!!! Yay! Let's all cheer! Woo! I might not own Dragonball Z, but I DO however own "A is for Agdevil Nursery", all my spelling and grammar errors (Heaven forbid there should be any), and Mz. Icy. Let's all cheer that DBZ has not *yet* fallen into my hands, for if it were... you could be... very... scared, yeeeeesssss...  
  
  
  
Hey, um, Cell-"  
  
Shut up," Cell shouted angrily.  
  
"Yeah, but... Cell," Jeice tried again, slightly more meek.  
  
"I said SHUT UP!" Cell screamed back.  
  
"Yeah, I know, but-"  
  
"Just HOLD IT!" Cell yelled without even turning back. "Red sign, red sign..." he muttered to himself as he searched the ground for absolutely anything red and square.  
  
"Yeah... okay..." Jeice said as he nodded, legs somewhat twisted around each other as he flew.  
  
"Hey, Cell-" Burter started.  
  
"All of you just SHUT UP! Not another peep!" Cell screamed as he looked back with sheer malice.  
  
"Oka-"  
  
"I SAID SHUT UP!!"  
  
"Hey! Cell!" Frieza shouted.  
  
"I THOUGHT I made myself CLEAR..." Cell growled angrily, as he turned his head slowly towards Frieza.  
  
"Yeah, but look!" Frieza yelled as he pointed to something coming over the horizon.  
  
Cell swung his head back and blinked as he squinted.  
  
"That looks pretty red, you think that's it?" Guldo asked as he stared back at his teammates.   
  
Burter shrugged. "Let's hope," he said as he patted his empty belly.  
  
"It's the SIGN!" Cell shouted joyously before turning on the burners and leaving his teammates behind in the dust. "The SIIIIIGGGNN!!"  
  
"Hey! CELL!" Frieza yelled as he and the Ginyu Force were swept up in the wind currents Cell left.  
  
"The day has come!" Cell yelled as he put behind the distance in a blink of an eye.  
  
  
  
"Okay, let's see here..." Mz. Icy muttered as she called up the Blackstar Chronicle in her caller ID   
box. She pushed the call button and listened to the number punch itself in.   
  
"Dadadadaaa, dadadaaadededeee, dede, yeah..." Mz. Icy mumbled under her breath as she clicked her fingernails against the battle-scarred metal desk. She leaned back in the near-death fold-up chair as the phone rang on the other line.  
  
Quickly, someone picked up on the other end and Mz. Icy sat up to lean against the desk. "Hi, this is Mz. Icy of the "A is for Agdevil Nursery"... Yeah it's me Charles... Yeah, another ad... I KNOW it's the fourteenth one this month, I can count... shut up... I said Shut. Up... yeah.... uh huh... Heck no!... Well YOU try babysitting these kids... Why? It's none of your business why... Just put the stupid ad in the paper! Yeah... you too... yeah... probably," she sighed as she hung up.  
  
She fell back into her chair unhappily and let her head hang back over the chair, her red hair spilling back. "My life... is HELL..."  
  
CRYSH!!!  
  
Suddenly, the ceiling exploded in a shower of plaster and wood, Mz. Icy sighed and closed her eyes. "Yeeeesss... an absolute living Hell..."  
  
"Where are they?!" yelled a voice from the minature dust cloud inside Mz. Icy's office.  
  
"You're going to have to be a bit more specific then that sir," Mz Icy yawned as she stretched her arms back, and cracked her spine a few times.  
  
"Where are my CHILDREN, you incompetent fool!" the figure shouted angrily as he waved away the dust and stomped up to Mz. Icy's desk. The figure slammed his open hands against the desk and it immediately collapsed into a pile of rust.  
  
Mz. Icy sighed and opened her eyes to stare at the ceiling. "You know... I brought that desk from home..."  
  
The being swiped away the rust pile before stomping up to Mz. Icy and staring down, directly in the way of her perfect view of the ceiling. "WHERE, are my CHILDREN?!" he yelled directly into her face.  
  
The ice-jin whinced at the action and grimaced. "Well at least you don't spit," she sighed. She slowly sat up straight before yawning and blinking at the newcomer, who had now folded his arms and had begun to impatiently tap his foot. "Yeah, yeah, your kids... Name?"  
  
"Cell," Cell said as he tensily looked about the office. "My children have been LIVING in this filth?"  
  
Mz. Icy shrugged. "Don't blame me, your kids did it, and the goverment is too lousy to give me more funds... The Cell Jrs. right?" Mz. Icy asked as she slowly got up and made her way to the rust pile that had once been her desk.  
  
"Yes, you are correct," Cell confirmed as he nodded. "Now where in H.E.L.L. are my children?"  
  
"The next room," Mz. Icy shrugged as pointed to her right with one hand as she began to sift through the pile of dust.   
  
CRYSH!!!  
  
Mz. Icy patiently sifted through the dust, which had once been her desk, and pulled out a large 3-ringed binder. She opened it and began marking things off as she muttered to herself. "A door. That's all I ask. That's all I EXPECT from these idiots. Just that they would use the DOOR, the one with the HANDLE that you turn and either push, or pull. Not that hard, not that hard at all, a monkey could do it, a SAIY-JIN could do it... that's all I ask..." Mz. Icy grumbled, not even bothering to look up at the newly created hole in the wall.  
  
She sat back into her fold-up chair which promptly groaned under her weight and collapsed. "Mz. Icy continued making marks in her binder. "That's all I ask..."  
  
  
  
"Children?" Cell yelled nervously as he plunged through the wall without any second thoughts. He was only thinking about his children, afraid to see what sort of condition they were in.  
  
That female... that female ICE-JIN... he was sure she wasn't validated for this...  
  
Cell whipped his head around the room, searching for anything, small, blue, and that looked like him. Unfortunately, all he saw was a large, red, and overturned couch, a few chairs, the remains of what might once have been a set of cabinets, and approximately 10 inches of toys which were either broken, or on the verge of being broken.  
  
None of these things were however, small, blue, or in any way, resembling him. Though he saw a troll doll that looked suspiciously like Vegeta...  
  
"Children? Kids...? Are you in here?" he called again cautiously, unconsciously beginning to tiptoe further into the room. "Hello?"  
  
"Heeheeheeeheeeheeeheeeheeheeheeee!" came the sudden tinkling of high-pitched laughter from around the room.  
  
Cell tensed and went into a instinctive fighting stance, shooting glances throughout the room. "Who's there?" he shouted angrily, he tried feeling for ki, but then realized that to get down here, you had to be dead, and therefore out of ki.   
  
"That kind of sucks," Cell thought in slight annoyance.  
  
"Heeheeheehehehhheeeheeeee!" the helium-high laughter came again, seemingly from all sides.  
  
"I'm warning you, if you don't come out right now, I'll-I'll BLAST THIS ROOM TO H.E.L.L.!" he screamed angrily.  
  
"It already IS in H.E.L.L.!" a high-pitched voice piped up from one of the corners of the room.  
  
"Then I'll blast it into the Nothingness beyond all comprehension, beyond the living world, Heaven, and H.E.L.L., I'll blast it into the breast of Darkness where no light touches and no evil, no good, exists, only the Darkness, only the Nothingness..." Cell spat viciously.  
  
Silence.  
  
"Heeheeheehehhehhheeeeheeeeheeeheee...hee!"  
  
"That's it you all DIE!" Cell yelled powering up an attack.  
  
"Don't you DARE blast those walls! I just had them refirmished!" yelled Mz. Icy from the other room. "You kids better come out RIGHT NOW, or I'll-I'll I'LL MAKE YOU WATCH "BARNEY" AGAIN!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Heeheeheeeheeeheeheeheheeeheeheheeehee!" the tiny voices squeaked gleefully, before beginning to emerge from their hiding places.  
  
Cell looked around in shock as the owners of the voices came out from seemingly nowhere, coming from places Cell wouldn't have thought to even BE hiding places.  
  
One from under a chair, TWO from under the upside down couch, another from inside the damaged cabinets, and THREE coming up from the toys like monsters emerging from the black lagoon, or possibly a boy band, such as N' Sync or the Backstreet Boys, bursting from a crowd of over-excited and underage girls.  
  
Cell looked down at the toys, and dipped one of his feet in, deciding he was wrong in his first guess of 10 inches of toys. There were definitely more then that.  
  
Cell then looked up and suddenly realized who the owners of the exceptionally high-pitched voices were. "My children! You're alright! Thank Kami!"  
  
"We're dead... that classifies as alright...?" one of the Cell Jrs. wondered, scratching his head.  
  
Another of the Cell Jrs. shrugged. "Well, as being dead goes, I guess we're alright," he said.  
  
Ah," the first Cell Jr. nodded.  
  
Another of the Cell Jrs. looked suspiciously at Cell and leaned towards his right to look behind Cell and through the hole Cell had made in a sudden panic to get to his children. "Hey! Mz. Icy! Who is this guy??" he yelled in inquiry.  
  
"He's your daddy, coming to take you and your satanic little siblings out of my hellish life, of which I will surely be rather grateful of, once I have a new chair, a new desk, some walls, another half of roof, some NICE chargees, some new employees...etc." Mz. Icy yelled through the hole.  
  
"What? You don't remember me... your daddy?!" Cell asked in shock, he hadn't been expecting that...  
  
"Um... maybe... what's your name?" the suspicious Cell Jr. asked, tapping the side of his face.  
  
"I-It's Cell! My name... is Cell! Don't you REMEMBER me?!" Cell asked anxiously.  
  
The suspicious Cell Jr. looked thoughtful for a moment. "Uh... Cell. Hm... I think... maybe... just maybe... I- Nope, doesn't ring a bell," the suspicious Cell Jr. shrugged.  
  
"No! You can't NOT remember me! You couldn't have FORGOTTEN me!! Come on! I SPAWNED you for Kami's sake!" Cell yelled, just a tad angry.  
  
One of the Cell Jrs. looked up with an odd look on his face. "Um, aren't you like... I don't know... a GUY...? Isn't having babies a little... out of the way... for you...?"  
  
"I'm asexual! I don't need to... to you know, to have kids! It'll as easy as eating popcorn shrimp!" Cell yelled only slightly uncomfortable.  
  
"That's sick..." the Cell Jr. said uneasily as he shook his head.  
  
"Popcorn shrimp are pretty easy to eat though," another of the Cell Jrs. commented as he crossed his arms and nodded.  
  
"How would you know? When have you ever had popcorn shrimp?!" the suspicious Cell Jr. asked in annnoyance.  
  
The Cell Jr. uncrossed his arms and shrugged. "I ate Mz. Icy's when she wasn't looking. They are pretty easy to eat.  
  
  
  
Outside the room, inside the office, Mz. Icy writhed. "That's where they went... I should KILL him... yes..." Mz. Icy shuddered and tried to calm down. She was on pension, she didn't need another mark against her...  
  
  
  
"So none of you remember me?! None at ALL?!" Cell asked in shock as he waved his arms trying to make sense of the matter. It had never crossed his mind that his children might not actually REMEMBER him...  
  
"Well... I think I might remember him," said a thoughtful looking Cell Jr, as he plucked at his chin. Cell ran up to him and looked eagerly at the Cell Jr.  
  
"No you don't!" one of the Cell Jrs. scoffed.  
  
"Um, tall guy, green head dress thing... has a goal, to destroy the world... uh... I think I remember something about androids somewhere in there..." the thoughtful Cell. Jr. turned out as he wracked his brain for facts.  
  
"Heh, NOW you're talking Crazy talk!" the other Cell. Jr. scoffed again. He plopped down and picked up a partially dismembered teddy bear.   
  
"No! No he's not! He's got it! He's on the right track! He's remembering me!" Cell yelled excitedly, he clapped his hands together as he tried to help the thinking Cell Jr. "Come on! You remember me, your father! Come on, had a really, really, REALLY large amount of power?! Told you to go kill a bunch of really pathetic weaklings??!"  
  
The thoughtful Cell Jr. looked even more thoughtful for a moment before suddenly brightening and looking at the other Cell Jrs. "Hey! I got it! I remember!"  
  
"Yes!" Cell said, pumping his arm towards the partially destroyed roof.  
  
"Are you SURE...?" the suspicious Cell Jr. asked as he looked suspiciously at Cell.  
  
"Yeah! You remember right? It's when we were alive and that dork in green kept ordering us around?" The now less-thoughtful Cell asked as he looked at the suspicious Cell Jr. with an excited look.  
  
The suspicous Cell Jr.'s eyes suddenly widened as the rest of the Cell Jrs. looked surprised as well. "You don't mean-?"  
  
"Yeah!" the less-thoughtful Cell Jr. nodded as he grinned widely. He pointed towards Cell. "HE'S the DORK!"  
  
"Yes! Yes! You got it! You REMEMBER ME! YES!" Cell cheered excitedly as he swooped down upon the less-thoughtful and less-suspicious Cell Jrs., picking them up and hugging the non-existant life out of them. He suddenly blinked though and held them out by the scruff of their necks. "But I'm not a dork!" he denied looking slightly hurt.  
  
  
To be continued... *grins and runs away, suddenly stops and runs back* Reviews are welcomed, the good and the bad actually, including flames, like the 2 I got before. I laughed at those, because it was obvious the twit and his friend (if it WAS his friend...) obviously didn't like bad reviews, like the one *I* gave him, before his *rude* retaliation. He had my respect at one point, even though I reviewed him badly, but he lost it when he lost his temper and gave me a ill-thought out flame. *looks thoughtful* He did much better flaming my Animorph poems though, much better indeedy, I almost felt slightly annoyed.... cept'... he lost my respect...   
  
Note to flamers, don't give out *WHY* you're flaming, it hurts a whole lot more when you don't. A lot of people probably have a grudge against me at this point so this is probably useful information... oh, yes.... this WILL be continued... ;) *runs away singing* Nobody likes me, Everybody hates, I guess I'll just go eat... 


	4. Part 4

When Bad Guys Play by the Rules  
But only when it suits them of course  
  
By: Tornadobuster, a freshly made, well-done, over-the-loop Lord of the Rings fan.   
  
Except for that last bit, with the cliffhanger.  
  
THEY KILLED OFF MY FAVORITE CHARACTER ALREADY! DAAAAAA-arn!  
  
*sighs and perks up* But my second favorite character's still alive... for now...  
  
I don't own DBZ. I don't own DBZ. I don't own DBZ. I don't own DBZ. I don't own DBZ. I don't own DBZ.   
I don't own DBZ. I don't own DBZ. I don't own DBZ. I don't own DBZ. Okay that should it. Oh, but I DO own Mz. Icy, aaaaaaaand that's about it.  
  
I was watching the Midnight Ev-el... thing, on Cartoon Network (yes, I admit it! That's how I watch DBZ! ::cries::) Yes, anyway, during this little thing, they showed 2 Buu episodes, 1 Cell episode, and 1 Raditz episode. The Buu episodes I ignored, I've seen them before, and I really don't care for large pink villians. With the Cell episode I watched with great interest, since almost ALL of my favorites showed up there, and I *cough* really should put Cell into character... *coughcough* Aaaand with the Raditz episode I basically laughed myself into the New year, at the idiotic lines Funimation decided to put into the character's mouths.  
  
.......................................................................................................................................................................................  
  
I also wrote down a few lines I thought were fairly funny... yeah, one of those *they would never say THAT* things...  
  
Vegeta: [Cell saga, during the match between Goku and Cell] What is the secret of Kakkoratt's power?!!  
  
Passing faerie: Juice, lot's of juice...  
  
  
Piccolo: *to Goku during the Raditz episode* You sly dog you...  
  
  
Raditz: -real line- *to Gohan after Gohan headbutted him* You just knocked the stuffin' out of your old Uncle Raditz!  
  
  
Goku: -real line- *Goku captures Raditz for the second time* Now you see it doesn't pay to tell a lie!  
  
Raditz: -not real- Yeah it does, you let me loose!  
  
Goku: -not real- Yeah well, it doesn't pay to tell TWO lies!  
  
Yeah, NOW we're at the real story...  
  
.......................................................................................................................................................................................  
  
Mz. Icy neatly tore out a section of paper from her three-ringed binder and threw the rest of it to the floor. She studied the torn-out section with tender care, a look of curiousity spreading across her face. She then giggled as she pulled out a lighter from the ash which had, at one point in it's ill-begotten life, been a desk.  
  
Mz. Icy held the section of paper only inches above the lighter, enough she hoped, to make it lick the flame. She giggled again, no small trace of insanity, as she slowly opened the lighter, about to pass judgment on the papers which had plagued her for so long, she clicked the sparker once, then twice, then-  
  
BOOM!  
  
Mz. Icy looked up in surprise at the sudden interruption, as the remaining roof above her office suddenly collapsed in an explosion of plaster and roofing. She saw clearly what was about to hit her, exactly .27 seconds before it actually hit her. Mz. Icy was suddenly smacked to the ground by the sudden load of weight, the wind, effectively, knocked from her.  
  
"Well, that was easy enough," a masculine voice spoke from above her.  
  
"It wasn't as if he was TRYING to cover his trail, idiot," another voice snorted, with an odd australian accent that just seemed VERY misplaced.  
  
"I JUST said it was EASY!" the first, somewhat more masculine voice yelled aggravently.  
  
"Well, aren't YOU the appointed speaker of the obvious!" the second, somewhat less masculine voice yelled back, still with that same, strange australian accent.  
  
"Oh shut up both of you! You people act so CHILDISHLY you ought to STAY here! You'd fit right IN!" another voice snapped, oddly feminine. "Why in H.E.L.L. do I let you even LIVE??! I ought to blast the lot of you!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"But I thought we were dead," another voice piped up.  
  
The weight on Mz. Icy's back shifted, pushing her further into the cracked cement floor, and a ki blast could be heard making impact on something, of which Mz. Icy could only assume to be the idiotic fourth person to speak up.  
  
A low groan could be heard.  
  
"Hey! Guldo might be a fat, pea-green, over-eyeballed weakling, but even HE didn't deserve that!" the oddly australian voice cried out in protest.  
  
"Hey, I'm not exactly the happiest ex-supervillian over here right now, do you really want to push your luck?" the oddly feminine voice growled.  
  
"...Um... no," the odd australian voice gulped, as the person seemingly backed away over the broken ceiling pieces.  
  
Mz. Icy groaned.  
  
"Good, now let's just get Cell and maybe his brats, and get out of here," the rather feminine voice growled. It seemed oddly familiar to Mz. Icy now that she thought about it...  
  
"But where IS Cell?" the fourth voice asked painfully as Mz. Icy felt him getting up, on her back.  
  
"Idiot," the first voice snorted, "just follow the explosions." Mz. Icy could only imagine the gesture towards the recently added door to the nursury.  
  
"Don't call ME an idiot, I didn't flunk MY KAT scan!" the fourth voice retorted angrily.  
  
"I TOLD you they made a mistake!" the first voice shouted angrily.  
  
"They RE-checked it and you STILL flunked it!" the fourth voice yelled.  
  
"Well can I HELP it if that place is full of ameuturs?!"  
  
"And THEN you blew the building up!" the australian-accented voice added.  
  
"SHUT UP! THEY DESERVED IT!" the first voice screamed.  
  
"Oh SHUT UP all of you! We don't have time for this!" the feminine voice shouted harshly, "Now come on before I kill you all!"  
  
"Yes Lord Frieza," the other members of the group responded immediately, Mz. Icy felt the weight on her back lift lift off and she sighed in relief.  
  
Then she realized WHY that oddly feminine voice seemed so familiar.  
  
  
Burter suddenly sighed.  
  
"What's wrong?" Jeice asked as he noticed his teammate's unhappiness.  
  
"I'm still hungry," Burter told him as his stomach growled.  
  
  
Suddenly the floor was blasted apart.  
  
  
"Hm?" Frieza mumbled as he glanced back in notice of the sudden explosion. He casually turned back and shrugged, proceeding then-  
  
  
-to do a double take and gasp in shock.  
  
Mz. Icy growled as she exploded from the rubble, a substantial glow at her back, casting her face and body in dark shadow. Except for her eyes which glowed an evil red. She turned her head towards the shocked Frieza and raised a shadow casted arm at him, pointed a well-trimmed nail, which at the moment was much more claw-like then anything. "You," she growled, sounding more like a beast then an ice-jin.  
  
Frieza gasped fearfully as he backed up a step. "It-It can't be!" he managed to whimper.  
  
Mz. Icy's eyes narrowed as her stretched out hand became a fist, pulling it back to her chest. "You..." she growled again as she stared down at her fist. Light from her backdrop then caught onto her glasses and giving them a bright glare. There was a momentary pause before the backdrop of light suddenly fell away and hence, the dramatic shadow which covered Mz. Icy. Mz Icy looked up with a blatant hateful look on her face. "I ought to KILL YOU!" she suddenly screamed before she shot towards Frieza with an open fist.  
  
Frieza squawked as Mz. Icy sped towards him, reaching him in a blink of an eye, not that Frieza actually took the time to blink as Mz. Icy suddenly planted her fist into his china-like face. Frieza dropped to the ground in tornado-warning like manner with his hands over his head. Unfortunately it did not abate Mz. Icy's brash attack on his poor back.  
  
"DIE! DIE! DIE!" Mz. Icy screeched as she continued to try and beat Frieza into oblivion.  
  
"GET HER OF ME! GET HER OFF ME! GET HER OFF ME!" Frieza also screeched to the dumbfounded Ginyu Force.  
  
A shocked Jeice turned to an equally shocked Burter with a questionate look on his face. Burter blinked and turned to Jeice, also quite confused. Jeice blinked and cocked his head to a side, raising a bleached eyebrow. Burter shrugged.  
  
Burter and Jeice walked over to the more-than-subdued Frieza and the more-than-enraged Mz. Icy, and casually pulled her off the already battle-scarred ex-supervillian. They backed off a few feet and restrained her, barely.  
  
"LET ME GO, HE ISN'T DEAD YET! I GOTTA KIIILL HIM!"Mz. Icy shrieked in consuming anger as she thrashed against her restrainers. "HE'S NOT DEEEAAD!!!"  
  
Frieza gasped for air as he struggled to get up, his face, if possible, even whiter then it had been before. Obviously shaken, he looked wide-eyed at the very pissed-off Mz. Icy and the rather confused Ginyu Force.  
  
"Um, Frieza-" Guldo hesitated as he walked up to his former commander, scratching his head and having an AWFULLY confused look on his face.  
  
"Just KEEP her AWAY from me! DON'T let her GO!" Frieza squawked with a very panicked voice, obviously ready to jump out of his skin at a pindrop.  
  
"How can you have the GALL to come around HERE, you NO-ACCOUNT GAY, FREAKISH, NO-EXCUSEDISGUSTING-TREYGISHJEKSOAVWYCILTIM-" she started to scream, passing from normal Basic into her own ice-jin language, which only posed to show how truly aggravated Mz. Icy really was.  
  
And from the look on Frieza it obviously wasn't anything worth translation. Frieza's face suddenly went from one of the highest level of fear, to one of ferocious anger. "How dare you call me that-that NAME!" Frieza yelled angrily.  
  
"Oh, don't you DARE command me! Don't you DARE! I swear if you didn't have to be DEAD to be down here, I'd KILL YOU!" Mz. Icy yelled, her shock subsiding, her anger however, not.  
  
"Um, Frieza... how do you, um, KNOW this person?" Jeice asked hesitently, gesturing towards the seething Mz. Icy with a nudge of his head, arms full just trying to hold on to her.  
  
"Oh, so even your BUDDY here doesn't know? You don't even bother to tell your FRIENDS about me anymore??!" Mz. Icy screamed.  
  
"Well,uh-" Frieza coughed as he scratched his head.  
  
"Oh SURE! Just BURY me 6 FEET DEEP, and try to FORGET ABOUT ME, ISN'T THAT RIGHT??!" Mz. Icy screamed, some of her adrenaline-caused fury starting to return.  
  
"Excuse me, but HOW do you two KNOW each other??" Jeice repeated, straining to be heard over Mz. Frieza ear-split ranting.  
  
"You want to know HOW? HOW we know each other? How about it dear Frieza? Should I TELL him??" Mz. Icy asked, smiling bitterly, a prominent tick finding its way to her eye. "SHOULD I??!" Mz. Icy waited a moment before going on. "Alright, I WILL tell him. Yeah, I'll tell you how I KNOW this piece of TRASH, I'll tell ya. He's my HUSBAND!!!"  
  
  
  
  
"Say, you think we oughtta' check what's going on in Mz. Icy's office? It sounds like something is going on over there," a Cell Jr. asked, leaning over to another one.   
  
The other Cell Jr shrugged nonchalantly. "Nah, Mz. Icy can handle herself, YOU remember what happened when that guy tried to steal her purse..."  
  
The first Cell Jr. thought for a moment, tapping his chin before it came to him. "Oh yeah... yeah, I remember," he remembered, he then shuddered. "Yeah, you're right, she CAN handle herself."  
  
The second Cell Jr. nodded. "Exactly."  
  
Cell blinked for a moment, hearing the commotion in the office, which the nursery was now conveniently connected to. He raised a nonexistent eyebrow before realizing his comrades had finally caught up with him. He snorted, wondering how possibly weak they really had to be if it took them ten minutes just to get to the nursury. he then turned back to his absolutely ADORABLE Cell Jrs., sighing happily in a bliss that usually only came when he either sucked the life out of a person with his tail, or just plainly killed someone in general.  
  
Ah yes... his adorable, cute, brilliant, obediant, deadly, insidious, mischievous little Cell Jrs...  
  
How he loved them...  
  
What he didn't like however was how they had been dumped here like some common trash, instead of being spawn of the most perfect being in the universe...  
  
Granted he HAD been defeated... twice...  
  
But the first was understandable, that kid HAD been a MONSTER, not perfect at all, and that second time had been a fluke, yeah, just a FLUKE. After all, if Goku could beat Pikkon or Piakahunihuniaah-whatever his name was, and Cell could beat Goku... then OBVOUSLY it was ONLY a fluke that Cell had been beaten by that Pi-Pia-that GUY, and obviously Cell just had been up to full power yet... right? RIGHT??  
  
Anyway, "So this Mz. Icicle, er Coldy, uh-"  
  
"Icy, Mz. Icy, but sometimes we call her Queen Freezy, or Empress of the Slushies, it makes her REALLY mad..." A nondescript Cell Jr. told him, as he shrugged casually.  
  
"Riiight, and this... Mz. Icy, when she get's mad... does she... attempt... to hurt you in any way? Not that I expect her to actually be ABLE to hurt you, you ARE after all, MY children," Cell asked cautiously, quite suspicious of this ICY character.  
  
"Well, when she gets really mad, her face goes this ugly PURPLE color, all over, and then she tenses all up, and her eyes sort of glow this evil red. After that, she sort of brings out her arms and kind of curls her hands into claws, like she's about to tear us into pieces-" the Cell Jr. imitated his absent babysitter, curling his own hands into claws and crouching down, bunching up his shoulders. "And then-"  
  
"And then what? What does she do??" asked the rather alarmed Cell.  
  
The Cell Jr relaxed and shrugged. "She goes outside and beats up a tree."  
  
"A... tree...?" Cell asked, relaxing as well. A skeptical look on his face appearing as he folded his arms along his chest.  
  
"Yeah a tree. She seems like she's about to kill us, and then, she just goes outside and beats up a tree. It isn't too hard to find one you know, there's a forest here. And forests are full of trees," the Cell Jr. nodded knowingly.  
  
"Trees...? I... didn't see any trees around here..." Cell commented as he rembered vaguelly, the surroundings of the nursery. In truth the ground surrounding the nursery had reminded him of a barren wasteland.  
  
"Exactly," the Cell Jr. nodded.  
  
"Okay..." Cell said as he frowned. Well, as long as that frozen witch wasn't hurting them... "You, get me that chair," he barked towards a couple Cell Jrs., referring to the one on the left as he pointed to a half-sunken blue chair in the corner.  
  
Both Cell Jrs. blinked and looked at each other, before the right one shrugged and walked over to pick up the blue chair. "Back to being daddy's little slaves..." the right Cell Jr. muttered sarcastically under his breath.  
  
Cell blinked for a moment before calling out for the right one to stop. "No, not you! The other Cell Jr. the one that was on your left!"  
  
The right Cell Jr. blinked and gave him a make-up-your-mind look. "Hey, how the heck are we supposed to tel,l you just sort of looked in our direction and pointed to the chair. You're going to have to be a LITTLE more specific then that if you want a CERTAIN one of us to do you dirty work for you..."  
  
Cell squinted suspiciously and straightened up to give an unconscious ''superior'' pose. "And HOW am I supposed to do that, do tell?"  
  
"Well, you COULD call us by name," another Cell Jr. piped up.  
  
Cell blinked. "Names? I never gave you names!"  
  
The Cell Jr. blinked and frowned. "Well, we gave ourselves names. Duh. Being called the 'Cell Jrs.' get's a little confusing after awhile because you're never sure of WHO you're trying to talk to. And when someone is trying to get a hold on one of us, heh, well then-"  
  
"And just WHY would someone need you on the telephone?" Cell asked with a twinge of annoyance in his voice.  
  
The Cell Jr. shrugged. "Hey, we have lives down here. Dead ones, but still lives."  
  
"Right, and just WHAT are these so-called names of yours?" Cell asked snidely.  
  
The Cell Jrs. grinned suddenly and looked at each other with knowing looks upon their faces.  
  
"Well?" Cell asked again.  
  
The Cell Jrs. jumped up from around the room and ran together into a huddle, Cell lifted a non-existent eyebrow and watched as they chattered to each other in voices he couldn't quite hear, stealing glances at him from time to time. After about a minute they broke up, all with very-wide grins on their faces as they came up to him.  
  
"Hm?" Cell commented.  
  
"Watch this, Mz. Icy said it was cool!" the nearest Cell Jr. told him.  
  
Suddenly all the Cell Jrs. posed heroically.  
  
"Are you ready?" the Cell Jr. in the middle shouted.  
  
"YEAH!" the rest of the Cell Jrs. yelled out.  
  
"Alright! My name is RIBOSOME!" the Cell Jr. yelled out, spinning around in a circle before performing a flourishing salute.  
  
"And my name is VACOULE!"a Cell Jr. on the right shouted before punching into the air with a war cry you might find in a cheap karate-movie.  
  
"You can call me MITOCHONDRIA!" another Cell Jr. on the left yelled before lifting his arms and right leg high into the air.  
  
"The name is CENTRIOLE!" a Cell Jr. in the back yelled before leaping into the air and summersaulting before landing down in a perfect split.  
  
"I am GOLGI APPARATUS!" another Cell Jr., just to the left of Centriole shouted as he simply bowed and saluted, his name taking up most of his posing time.  
  
"And I am NUCLEUS!!" a Cell Jr. to the far right shouted as he did a handstand.  
  
Cell's mouth gaped open in shock.  
  
"And my name is... well my name-uh-my name... I don't know..." the Cell Jr. on the far-left said as he scratched his head in frustration.  
  
The rest of the Cell Jrs. stood, paralyzed in their poses for the moment, before suddenly collapsing in a pile. They angrily stared at their unnamed brother.  
  
"Aw!" Vacoule yelled angrily, "not again!"  
  
"I'm sorry!" said the unhappy, nameless Cell Jr.   
  
"Can't you just PICK a stupid name already?!" Mitochondria asked angrily.  
  
"No!" the nameless Cell Jr. shouted in surprise. "When I pick a name, it's going to brand me for life! People are going to judge me based on that name! My stanza in life is going to depend on that name! Good LORD man, my JOB will be decided on that STUPID name!"  
  
"Gee, maybe I should have thought a little bit before picking my name..." Golgi commented thoughtfully.  
  
Nucleus came up to his father and looked up at him with an apolegetic look on his face. "Sorry about that, he's just a little picky about what he wants to be called so he's taking his time to make sure the name he'll pick will be a good one. You can just call him Cell Jr. though for now."  
  
Cell barely acknowledged his son as his mouth lay gaped open, his eyes glazed over with shock. It couldn't be, oh no, it COULDN'T be. His children, his precious little CHILDREN, could NOT have just done what he thought they had done. NOT. Oh geez, oh geez, they had been just like- just like- oh Lord- they had just been like the GINYU FORCE! The GINYU FORCE! Oh Kami, what was this ICY person TEACHING his children?? Cool? COOL? He knew he didn't trust her, well he'd show HER!  
  
Cell licked his lips. "That's alright, um, Nucleus. I can see how a name might be important. Now please, there's something very important I must do."  
  
"Um, what's that?" Nucleus asked, cocking his head to one side.  
  
"I have to kill your caretaker," he said calmly as he stomped through the hole in the wall.  
  
"Oh." Nucleus said as he shrugged, going back to the rest of the Cell Jrs. to try and figure out a name for their picky brother. They HAD to figure something out, the introduction sounded so silly when they came to their nameless brother...  
  
  
Look, look, I'm done with another part, yeah, yeah... Dadadaaaaa... till the next time... 


	5. Part 5

When Bad Guys Play by the rules  
But only when it suits them of course  
  
By: T.B. Stormshot, sick and tired of changing her name constantly  
  
I'm bored and short of time. I have to get to bed in about 5 minutes. I really have no time for a disclaimer that's humorous and exciting. Why am I writing? Because I can. I don't own DBZ, I own Mz. Icy, until she kills me. I hate Pikkon, or Piakuhan... Piakahun? I hate his name. He deserved to die, and he SO could not have beaten Cell. Cell just wasn't fully powered. GOKU beat him, therefore CELL could OBVIOUSLY beat him. Yeah I'm babbling, let's face it, the only real purpose OF a disclaimer IS to babble. I'm just taking advantage of that fact.  
  
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A cold silence filled the room as Frieza and Mz. Icy stared unblinkingly into each other's eyes, not daring to look away for a second. They were both quite sure that if they looked the other way, the other would do something quite drastic.  
  
Mz. Icy growled.  
  
Frieza hissed.  
  
"Say, uh Mrs... " Burter started uncertainly.  
  
"MZ. MZ. Icy. What?" Mz. Icy asked tensily, her gaze not wavering an inch off of Frieza's. She was STILL being held back by Jeice and Burter.  
  
"Alriight, Mz Icy... I was just wondering... you're an ice-jin right?" Burter asked.  
  
"Yeah. You got it," Mz. Icy confirmed.  
  
"Then... what's up with you're hair? It's red!" Burter asked in disbelieve.  
  
"Well-" Mz. Icy began.  
  
"I'll tell you Burter! It's dye! She DYES her hair RED!" Frieza yelled, a wild lop-sided grin inching high up his cheek.  
  
"Yeah? Well at least I HAVE hair!" Mz Icy retorted. "I see those hair plugs didn't take!"  
  
Frieza's face turned a rather odd shade of purple as rage crossed his face. "Just SHUT UP!" he screamed.  
  
A grin now spread across Mz. Icy's face as she chuckled loudly. "Aww, I guess I hurt poor wittle Frieza's feewings! Oops, I sure hope he doesn't start blubbering. It'd just ruin that cute little baby-face of his!"  
  
"Yeah? Well at least I got this "cute little baby-face" without the help of YOUR little friend PLASTIC-SURGERY!" Frieza shot back.  
  
"You got plastic-surgery?" Jeice asked in surprise.  
  
"Yeah! You should have seen her before then! She looked like a dragon with a COLD!" Frieza laughed loudly. "Still DOES," he added as an after-thought.  
  
"Hey! I'm not the only one who's had a little work done BIRTH-MARK BOY!" Mz. Icy yelled.  
  
Frieza face suddenly went a sheer white color (even MORE white then his face USUALLY is!) "I-I don't know what you're talking about!"  
  
A broad leer crossed Mz. Icy's face as her eyes narrowed to slits. "Oh really? So you DON'T remember that CUTE little birth-mark on your left cheek..."  
  
"WHAT BIRTHMARK?! THERE WAS NO BIRTHMARK!" Frieza screeched.  
  
"Oh YOU remember... the one on your left cheek, the one that looked EXACTLY like a-"  
  
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Frieza started yelling.  
  
Mz. Icy grinned viciously. "Well then... I guess you don't... MAYBE, we'll talk about it later... with your friends here..."  
  
Frieza growled lowly in his throat before changing the subject. "SO, I see you're in H.E.L.L... not exactly as GOOD as we THOUGHT we were, are we?" he grinned, chuckling meanly.  
  
"On contrare, I WOULD be up there by now... but I was too busy trying to get back to the REAL world in order to KILL YOU... looks like someone beat me to it... not as STRONG as we THOUGHT we were, are we..." Mz. Icy snorted.  
  
Frieza's grin vanished at even the MENTION of his shortly-become death. "YEAH? And WHY exactly were we trying to come up and kill me? I wasn't like I KILLED you or anything..."  
  
"Oh REALLY?" Mz. Icy questioned suspiciously. "Well SOMEONE poisoned my TEA, and it SURE as H.E.L.L wasn't myself!"  
  
"Hey! Don't look at me! I didn't come NEAR your little TEA parties" Frieza yelled.  
  
"Suuure, but sometimes ZARBON came over and had a little tea... and WE all know how close you and ZARBON were..." Mz. Icy mentioned suspiciously, tensing angrily.  
  
"Hey! Don't give me that look! I drew the line with my right-hand men!" Frieza yelled angrily.  
  
"Suuure, you're not the type of guy who would make a pass on Vegeta or anything," Mz. Icy sneered in a low-handed move.  
  
"I NEVER MADE A PASS ON-AND how the H.E.L.L. would YOU know?!" Frieza squawked.  
  
"Hey, don't you lie to me! We have CABLE down here you know!" Mz. Icy reminded him.  
  
"Well, THAT doesn't matter! I didn't poison your tea!" Frieza yelled.  
  
"Yeah! I know! ZARBON did your dirty work FOR you!" Mz. Icy yelled back.  
  
"I did NOT get Zarbon to poison your tea!" Frieza denied.  
  
"You LYER!" Mz. Icy yelled back.  
  
  
  
"Are you feeling... left out?" Jeice asked Burter as Mz. Icy and Frieza went on bickering.  
  
"Yeah, a little, but I figure they're just catching up on old times. You know, they HAVE been apart a long time..." Burter shrugged.  
  
"YOU'RE feeling left out...? This is MY first time speaking..." Guldo growled angrily.  
  
"Hey, WE can't help if you're a pea-green, over-eyeballed, chubby little midget that nobody likes," Jeice shrugged.  
  
"Yeah, that's just part of life," Burter agreed.  
  
"Just shut up..." Guldo growled as he went and sat in a crumbling corner of the room.  
  
  
  
"I TOLD you! It WASN'T ME!!" Frieza screamed furiously.  
  
"Yes it WAS!" Mz. Icy screamed back just as furiously.  
  
  
  
Suddenly the room went dark and cold causing Mz. Icy and Frieza stopped fighting momentarily at the sense of a sudden dark and cold power filling the room... though they were not willing to look away from each other.  
  
The newly created door leading into the nursery was suddenly the only light streaming into Mz. Icy's office, and suddenly it was blocked out by a sudden jutting shadow.  
  
Burter and Jeice cowered, tightening their grip on Mz. Icy just in case they needed a shield.  
  
Guldo sulked in the corner and didn't notice a thing.  
  
Frieza and Mz. Icy noticed the power, but weren't really in any mood to feel too frightened of anything at the moment.  
  
A harsh, raspy voice suddenly spoke from the shadow. "You... the ICY one..."  
  
"What?" Frieza yelled.  
  
"Not you..." the voice growled.  
  
"Then you're going to have to be more specific when addressing ME," Mz. Icy yelled angrily.   
"And get out of the light! I can't see a damned thing with YOU in the way."  
  
The light suddenly beamed back into the room as a rather testy-looking Cell stepped into the room. Most of the vicious, frightingly cold evil left the room. Most of it. "You- the ICE-jin!" Cell yelled angrily. "There's a little MATTER we better talk about!"  
  
"Hey! Be a LITTLE more SPECIFIC please! There's two Ice-jin here if you haven't noticed!" Mz. Icy yelled in annoyance.  
  
"I wouldn't be so sure..." Frieza muttered as he crossed his arms.  
  
"FINE then Queen FREEZY or little Miss Empress of the Slushies-" Cell started.  
  
"Dammit! I WILL find a way to KILL those kids..." Mz. Icy growled.  
  
"It's Mrs. Icy," Burter corrected, gulping shallowly.  
  
"Whatever, well then Mrs. Icy-" Cell nodded as he started again.  
  
"No! NO! NOT MRS. ICY! MZ. Icy! MZ! Not MRS! MZ! Mz. Icy!" Mz. Icy yelled.  
  
"FINE THEN! I DON'T CARE!" Cell screamed. "MZ. Icy, it's come to MY ATTENTION, that my CHILDREN have found an interesting way to INTRODUCE themselves... which YOU seem to find... CUTE!"  
  
Mz. Icy thought for a minute before grinning. "Oh yeah... that posing thing they do... that IS cute," she chuckled.  
  
Cell looked stunned for a moment. "...cute? CUTE??! THEY LOOK LIKE THE DAMNED FRIGGIN' GINYU FORCE!"   
  
"That's a good thing..." Jeice mumbled hurtfully.  
  
"Oh RELAX, you're WAY too high-strung. And just TRY taking care of THESE little brats... believe me. I know what high-strung IS..." Mz. Icy sighed.  
  
"Nobody pays attention to me..." Guldo sighed.  
  
"Hey! Shut up! Nobody asked YOU to talk!" Cell snapped.  
  
"Exactly..." Guldo cried.  
  
"Anyway, I am their father, CELL-"  
  
"Yeah, we got past that point a while ago," Mz. Icy pointed out.  
  
"Shut up. I was created to be the perfect killing machine, and to put it simply... I'm perfect in all aspects-"  
  
"I don't know, your social skills could use a little polish and you seem to be lacking in the ways of COMPASSION and SENSITIVITY-" Mz. Icy goaded.  
  
"Shut. Up. My little Cell Jrs. Being MINE, as in the SPAWN of MY loi-"  
  
"Your parenting skills don't seem all that great either," Mz. Icy interrupted once again.  
  
"Will you just SHUT UP! H.E.L.L, does she do this ALL the time?" Cell yelled, turning to Frieza.  
  
Frieza shuddered. "As long as I can remember..."  
  
"Now, LET's GET this STRAIGHT. Being MY children, and being as perfect as I AM. My Cell Jrs. are naturally going to be as perfect as I am right?"  
  
"Well... I'm just not going to argue with this one..." Mz. Icy sighed. *I don't know about PERFECT considering you have to DIE to get into H.E.L.L... but his kids are definitely on the right path to becoming his Mini-Mes if THAT'S what he means...* Mz. Icy muttered under her breath.  
  
"Right. And to put it simply, acting like the FRIGGIN' GINYU FORCE AIN'T GOING TO CUT IT. Alright? Ms. uh- Mrs.-" Cell reasoned, a slight menacing look in his eyes.  
  
"Mz.! MZ. ICY! NOT MRS.! OKAY?! NOT Mrs. Icy! MZ. Icy! Can't you flippin' GET that??!" Mz. Icy yelled. Of the few things she absolutely and utterly hated, being called Mrs. was second... the first, of course, being Frieza himself...  
  
"You know... technically... since you died while you were still married to Frieza... and nothing OFFICIAL was ever done about that marriage stint... TECHNICALLY... you would still be married to Frieza... and you'd still be a Mrs. then..." Guldo sniffed from his dark, dark corner.  
  
Mz. Icy suddenly went a bright, bright white and turned her head slowly towards Guldo. "A-and WHAT makes you s-say THAT??" she half-shouted.  
  
Guldo sniffed unhappily from his corner as he looked up miserably from his corner. "The Giant Rulebook of H.E.L.L. of course... it-it says-"  
  
"What?! What does it say?!" Mz. yelled in sudden anxiety.  
  
"It says that if one spouse should die before the other, technically they will be separated-" Guldo began.  
  
"Well then good, nothing to worry about, right?" Mz. Icy asked worriedly.  
  
"Yeah, but then it says, if the OTHER spouse should die later on, they would technically still be married, because nothing official was ever done about the marriage... it's sort of a convenience thing for married couples..." Guldo said unhappily.  
  
Mz. Icy choked. "N-n-n-n-n-" she tried to speak, to no avail. The words were stuck in her throat from the sudden shock of still being MARRIED... to HIM.  
  
"Oh come on! Doesn't anyone here READ??" Guldo asked in disbelief.  
  
"Well that's just no good! I refuse to still be MARRIED to HER!" Frieza yelled in defiance.  
  
"That's all fine and good, b-but you gotta make it official!" Guldo told him solemnly.  
  
"-n-n-n-n-n-n-" Mz. Icy kept repeating in a strangled voice.  
  
"Hey uh, Mrs. Icy... are you... alright??" Jeice asked uncertainly.  
  
"It... ISN'T Mrs... ICY..." Mz. Icy growled a strange glitter in her half-mad eyes. Suddenly she jolted forward and somersaulted across the ground, dragging Jeice and Burter along with her, who of course promptly let go. Mz. Icy stood up, staring madly at Frieza, a slight twitch taking over her right eye.  
  
Frieza backed off fearfully...  
  
Mz. Icy promptly stomped over to the corner where Guldo was crying sullenly and picked him up by the scruff of his non-existent neck. "Now... I am NOT going to be a Mrs... you know that, right? Right," Mz. Icy nodded, not waiting for an answer. "So WHERE in all of H.E.L.L. can I get a DAMNED DIVORCE??!" Mz. Icy screeched.  
  
"L-Lord Enma should be able to d-do it!" Guldo stammered fearfully.  
  
"That over-grown son of a LOBSTER?? Well then! I'm going to go pay our FAVORITE Underlord a visit then-Frieza! You know I absolutely despise you right?" Mz. Icy yelled triumphantly as she dropped the pea-green alien and looked towards Frieza.  
  
"With a vengeance apparently. I hate you too..." Frieza nodded as he crossed his arms.  
  
"That's good, that's all well and good..." Mz. Icy muttered, chuckling nervously. "Then we are both agreed, we REALLY WANT this divorce right?"  
  
"Absolutely," Frieza agreed.  
  
"Good, then let's go get divorced! Right now!" Mz. Icy yelled.   
  
'Wait a minute, right this second?" Cell yelled unbelievably.  
  
"That's right! The sooner the better!" Mz. Icy nodded, dancing slightly from foot to foot.  
  
"But what about the small matter with my chil-"  
  
"It can wait! Nucleus! Get out here!" Mz. Icy screeched into the nursery before hurrying to the pile of dust which USED to be her desk, but had met the unfortunate disaster of becoming a large pile of dust due to unfortunate circumstances (like being smacked by Cell's fist... wait, he slapped the desk? Alright then...) She then proceeded to start digging around in the dust.  
  
"You called Mistress?" Nucleus asked sarcastically as he came through the hole.  
  
"NUCLEUS! Don't tell me she's turned you into her own personal SERVANT?!" Cell shouted hysterically, as he totally and utterly missed the sarcasm Nucleus had dripped.   
  
Nucleus looked at his hyperventilating father with a disbelieving look on his face. "Calm down Dad! You're going to give yourself a heart attack like that! Besides, I was only joking!"  
  
Cell looked a little relieved as he reverted from his rather out-of-character state while the rest simply continued to stare. With acception of Mz. Icy who was still rooting around the remains of her once-proud desk.  
  
"Wat'cha want?" Nucleus finally asked after staring at the ice-jin rooting around in remains of her desk, muttering under her breath occasionally.  
  
Mz. Icy looked up blankly for a moment, blinking twice, and then going back to sifting through the cinders. "Oh, yeah, me and the Birth-mark are getting a divorce. I need you to do the legal stuff since you're an abnormally smart little freak," Mz. Icy said calmly as if Frieza was not the prime most aggravating burden upon her life.  
  
"Don't call me that," Frieza growled.  
  
"Wait a minute, you're taking MY child WITH you?" Cell asked in a suddenly shocked voice.  
  
"Duh yeah, I have to take him because he's an abnormally smart little freak who does all my legal work for candy and ice cream," Mz. Icy shrugged, not even bothering to glance away from her searching.  
  
"NO way! I'm not about to let YOU handle MY child! You'll probably get him killed-AGAIN!" Cell yelled angrily.  
  
"Is that possible?" Burter asked off-hand.  
  
"Just don't get involved Burter. Just don't get involved..." Jeice muttered as he backed up as close as he could to the wall.  
  
"Oh relax Dad, I think I'm mature enough to take care of myself... besides, the pay is pretty good for my age. Now, speaking of candy and ice cream..." Nucleus went on, shooting a coy look towards Mz. Icy.  
  
"What kind, what flavor, and how much?" Mz. Icy asked, cutting to the chase.  
  
"Snickers, Chocolate icecream-without nuts, 10 king-sized and 6 gallons," Nucleus barked.  
  
"Six gallons? That's more than usual..." Mz. Icy said with a slightly startled voice as she paused in her rummaging.  
  
"Vacoule's been pressuring me to use my status in order to take advantage of you," Nucleus shrugged.  
  
"Ah," Mz. Icy nodded befor going back to her work, "Done."  
  
"That's good, that's very good..." Nucleus chuckled.  
  
"I not letting you go with that-that ICE-JIN! She probably doesn't have any credentials!" Cell yelled.   
  
"Hey! I have... yeah, you got me on that one," Mz. Icy conceded, nodding her head.  
  
"Damn it, okay I'm killing you," Cell yelled angrily as he began to power up.  
  
"Hey! You kill her and we ALL suffer!" Frieza yelled angrily. "I'm not about to give up MY hard-won freedom just because you forgot Enma told us NOT to cause trouble... yet heh heh..." Frieza chuckled evily.  
  
"HARD-WON?! YOU GOT OUT OF THAT PRISON CELL BECAUSE YOU'RE RELATED TO ME! BARELY!" Cell bellowed angrily as energy swelled up around him.  
  
"W-wait a minute. Related? What do you mean by related?" Nucleus broke in suspiciously, an ever curious look on his face.  
  
"Well son, it all happened a long long time ago when your daddy wasn't even born yet-" Cell began, taking his time in slow steps.  
  
"-Long story short, a scientist made your daddy out of bits and pieces of filched DNA which included my own, which for reasons are quite obvious," Freiza said, interrupting Cell who gave him a nasty look in return. "I refuse to be married to HER, the sooner your little story is over... SON, the sooner we can leave." Cell snorted but didn't say anything.  
  
"So my grandfather is gay?" Nucleus asked bluntly.  
  
Frieza sputtered. "Where'd you here something like THAT?!" he squeaked.  
  
"Hey, there's a giant HOLE in the wall connecting Mz. Icy's to our jail cell (no offense Dad), and you think we can't HEAR anything that comes out of it?!" Nucleus asked with a disbelieving look on his face.  
  
Frieza sighed exasperatingly. "Let's just get one thing straight here with all of you! I'm. Not. GAY!"  
  
"Hah! You sure do a good job making it SEEM like you are!" Mz. Icy shrieked in a high-pitched laughter from under the pile of cinders which was the afore mentioned desk.  
  
"I don't care! That doesn't mean I'm gay!" Frieza screamed fiercely at Mz. Icy.  
  
"Then what's all this I hear about a pass on Vegeta... DAD?" Cell asked, an almost infinitesimal smirk tweaking at the right side of his mouth.  
  
Frieza shot a nasty look at Cell and sighed again. "It was late. I was young. I had just gotten off of work on the hostal takeover of five separate planets for MY dad. I was dead drunk. Okay? I was DRUNK! NOT GAY! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE H.E.L.L. I WAS DOING!" Frieza screeched.  
  
"Well I guess that makes sense. We all do crazy stuff when we're drunk," Nucleus agreed, nodding his head "Though somehow this doesn't make myself feel too much better about my Family Tree..."  
  
"And how would YOU know what it's like to get drunk?" Mz. Icy asked suspiciously as she continued pawing at the pile of dust in search of some radically important object.  
  
"I don't, I'm reading Dad's brain. He does REALLY weird stuff when he gets drunk," Nucleus shrugged. Suddenly Cell was breathing down his neck with an incidious look upon his otherwise eerily pleasant face, lightly breathing though as this was his child whose neck he was breathing down. "Alright! Alright! Your mind is off-limits, I get it!" Nucleus told him with some annoyance. "... I can read... my Granddad's mind right though?" he asked hopefully in a quiet voice. Cell smirked, patted him lightly on the back and gave him a slight nod before standing up, positively dripping in pride.  
  
"So ANYWAY, since this... ICY-person, is OBVIOUSLY not going to relent in taking this foolish ritual-" Cell began.  
  
"Hey! It is NOT a foolish ritual! It happens to be one of great importance in fact! A life-or-death ritual! MY life or death!" Mz. Icy yelled angrily, still searching among the ruins of her desk.  
  
"-and APPARENTLY she refuses to leave my son out of it...-"  
  
"Oh puh-lease! You couldn't kill yourself even if you TRIED! This is H.E.L.L.! You're already DEAD!" Frieza retorted scornfully.  
  
"-and it APPARENTLY it is a bad idea to kill her as my freedom is tenatively placed...-"  
  
"Hey! If some person who blows a little hot air can kill off that creep Pikkon AGAIN, certainly it can't be too hard to reproduce the product! Though... it'd be so much nicer if I could just get rid of you..." Mz. Icy chuckled evily.  
  
"-APPARENTLY I'll just have to come along to make sure she doesn't get him killed," Cell nodded in self-satisfaction of a plan long thought-out.  
  
"Dad!" Nucleus shouted in an exasperated and rather embarrassed, almost teenaged voice.  
  
"Hey! When you become old enough to grow a tail or something boy, THEN we'll talk," Cell told him strictly, adamant in his decision.  
  
"Ugh! Mz. Icy!" Nucleus whined unhappily, looking for a supporter.  
  
"Hey I don't care kid. You're already getting candy and icecream from me. As long as he pulls his own weight and doesn't bug me I don't give a damn," Mz. Icy shrugged, still rooting around the ashes of her desk.  
  
"Good, then let's get going. The sooner we get this over with the sooner I don't have to see any of your faces ever again," Cell nodded in agreement, folding his arms in an almost pleasant manner.  
  
"Alrighty then, so Mr. I'm Not Gay Except When I Am, the green guy who CAN'T REMEMBER MY NAME, and the brat are coming with me. And you," Mz. Icy snapped as she pointed at Guldo who was still sulking pitifully. Guldo looked up with a rather surprised look on his face.  
  
"What?" he asked as he got up. "A-Are you saying I can go? Really?? Oh wow! Thankyou! You don't know how much this MEANS to me!" Guldo said happily.  
  
"You're right I don't. You're not coming with ME. You're pea-green! And you're fat! Plus you're short!" Mz. Icy told him in mock disgust.  
  
"Don't forget, he has FOUR eyes!" Jeice chuckled.  
  
"Hey! Don't mock the four-eyed! Remember THESE?" Mz. Icy asked as she tapped the trendy eyeglasses sharing the space between her forehead and her nose. The rest of the group shrugged and shook their heads. "Of course you don't, they haven't been mentioned for quite some time now. But they're THERE, and therefore you can't mock the four-eyed."  
  
"But-but why did you point at me then?" Guldo asked, his bottom-lip trembling.  
  
"Because I'm mean and you're vulnerable. Actually, while you are impossibly disgusting to look at, it's your attitude that really gets me. Grow up, stop acting like a baby, and THEN we'll talk. Until then you're stuck with these two other multi-colored weaklings babysitting the rest of the bunch," Mz. Icy shrugged, going back to her inspired rummaging.  
  
"Oh..." Guldo sniffled as he sat down again.  
  
"Wait a minute, by multi-colored weaklings you mean US right?" Burter asked as he pointed from Jeice to himself.  
  
"Yes, that I do," Mz. Icy confirmed.  
  
"Well okay then, first off, we are NOT weaklings," Burter told her firmly.  
  
"That's right," Jeice confirmed.  
  
"In fact, we are pretty strong. It's just that we aren't that strong compared to people like Frieza, or Cell," Burter went on to say.  
  
"Alright, whatever floats your boat, you two multi-colored stronger-than-normal-just-not-that-strong-compared-to-really-strong-people GUYS, are going to babysit my chargees until I get back," Mz. Icy confirmed back to them.  
  
"Uh, that's another thing. Do we REALLY have to babysit?" Jeice asked unhappily. "Can't we just... come along?"  
  
"No, the depressed alien over there would hold up the fort like a marshmallow under influence of a microwave. My chargees should know. You guys have to help, no buts. I got no time," Mz. Icy shrugged, still continuing to persevere in her quest to dig up whatever seemed to be buried in the never-ending pile of ash which was the desk that has been mentioned several times before.  
  
"Well uh, are you sure you won't need someone to act like your boyfriend or something to make Frieza jealous?" Burter asked hopefully.  
  
Mz. Icy paused for a moment at the thought of this idea, she then proceeded to shrug. "Nah, even if I needed to sink that low I could always seduce the Green Goblin here. Thanks for offering though, I'm sure somewhere, someone, would love a giant blue man with no nose," she said solemnly before going back to her persistant digging.  
  
Burter frowned at the rejection before he noticed Jeice staring angrily at him. Burter shrugged. "Worth a shot."  
  
"Well then, since everything seems to be situated. Let's go," Cell shrugged.  
  
"Not yet! I haven't found what I'm looking for!" Mz. Icy yelled anxiously from among the dregs of her now long-since-past desk.  
  
"Well what ARE you looking for?! You've been at it for twenty minutes now!" Frieza yelled angrily.  
  
"I'm looking for, Ah-HAH! My car keys!" Mz. Icy shouted triumphantly as she held the long sought-for car keys.  
  
"I suppose we should face fault," Frieza sighed.  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T TRUST TREKKIES! What? Sorry, I felt I had to say something stupid and completely out-of-context. It's fun, try it. Makes people look at you funny. So, if you have the time and energy, leave a review, believe it or not people truly treasure reviews, ANY reviews. It's a symbol of status, how many reviews you have. I'm actually not kidding, the number of reviews you get scratches out your number of bragging rights. 


	6. Part 6

WHEN BAD GUYS PLAY BY THE RULES  
By: (What's my name right now? Oh yeah-) T.B. Stormshot   
  
*Wakes up enough to notice a very short piece that has been sitting on her computer for two months. Then realizes that school starts up in two weeks and growls* Damn school system, we SHOULD be starting after Labor Day, MINNESOTA RULES HAZZAH! Unfortunately due to the building of a new high school, we are starting early this year. Damn...   
  
Wait, why am I sharing this with you?   
  
Heh...   
  
Well, I'll probably work harder anyway at writing if I'm in school. Okay then.   
  
Anyway, I do not own DBZ. THAT'S A BUNCH OF CRAP! I own Mz. Icy--she's cool. Cooler than Frieza even! And most of all, I OWN THE WORLD! And it SUCKS. Wait... yeah.   
  
*looks confused*

  
  
  
"I'm looking for, Ah-HAH! My car keys!" Mz. Icy shouted triumphantly as she held the long sought-for car keys.   
  
"Geez..." Cell growled in annoyance.   
  
"See Dad? This is why I have to come along..." Nucleus sighed as he shook his head.   
  
"DEAREST, you know how to fly. Barely, but you do. So why, exactly WHY, have you wasted our time searching for car keys, to drive a car, which WE DON'T NEED??!" Frieza screamed.   
  
Mz. Icy shrugged, swinging the key ring around her finger and looking pitifully upon Frieza. "Oh poor little Frieza, all that world-conquering-slash-destroying has left you without a sense of fashion. Tsk tsk. Back to school with you Prince o' Pink, to drive a car, is to travel in style. Style is good. We, will drive a car, or WE will travel not at all."   
  
"So you would rather stay married to me?" Frieza snorted unbelievably.   
  
"No, of course not. But you don't want to stay married either, right? I was under the assumption that we both hated each other's guts," Mz. Icy pointed out.   
  
"That's absolutely true," Frieza confirmed.   
  
Mz. Icy made a quick grab for little Nucleus and dragged him over to her side. "Okay Squirt, 'fess up. In order to get a divorce, we both have to sign papers, right?"   
  
Nucleus nodded and yawned, a little bored of the consistent babbling that seemed to be bouncing throughout the entire conversation, and definitely bored of the constant rambling that seemed to lead from one stupid subject to another. He was also a little confused as to why exactly his supposed grandfather was married to Mz. Icy if he was, in fact, _GAY._ "Yep, you BOTH have to sign the divorce documents in order to be divorced."   
  
"Good, then if _YOU_ won't let me go in automobile, then I'll make it my business NOT to sign the documents. Get it?" Mz. Icy told him slyly.   
  
"Yes, but don't YOU want to be divorced as much as I do? If so then your whole argument is null-and-void," Frieza pointed out.   
  
"Sure, but-" Mz. Icy began, but suddenly she was interrupted by Cell.   
  
"Who in H.E.L.L. really CARES if we go by car or NOT?! Let's just GO already!" Cell bursted angrily. He was anxious just to gather up his Cell Jrs. and LEAVE this looney-bin.   
  
"See! Even the green guy who can't remember my name agrees with me!" Mz. Icy shouted triumphantly as she pointed excitedly at Cell.   
  
"I DON'T agree with you. I JUST... want to get out of here. My children are not safe in your hands. YOU... are a bad influence upon them," Cell accused through gritted teeth.   
  
"Well you're not supporting this hard-for-luck LIZARD here, so I don't particularly care," Mz. Icy shrugged.   
  
"Fine. Just FINE! We've always done what YOU want to do in the past, what's one more decision?! JUST FOR OLD TIMES' SAKE!" Frieza screamed at the top of his lungs.   
  
"Now you're getting it," Mz. Icy agreed. "I'll be in the garage waiting for you people," she yelled with a toss of her red hair. She turned and walked confidently out the REAL door which had been right beside her now demolished desk, which had served its last purpose and had settled to be blown away by the wind in search of newer, more exciting grounds.   
  
Cell, Frieza, and the remaining members of the Ginyu Force stared blankly as the door slammed closed. As men of course, they had fallen prey to Mz. Icy's sneaky way of smuggling whatever she wanted out of them. "Oh yes, now THIS is a familiar picture," Frieza muttered as memories long since submerged began to rise back to the surface again. "I always HATED it when she did that..."   
  
"So why did you marry her anyway if you hate her so much?" Jeice asked timidly.   
  
"Yeah, aren't you gay?" Nucleus asked as he cocked his shelled head to one side.   
  
"I AM NOT GAY! ALRIGHT?! I THOUGHT we went THROUGH this before!" Frieza screamed at the Cell Jr.   
  
"Dear old DAD, if you scream at my boy again, I'll rip your head off and use it as a basketball. And please, I've done it before," Cell said calmly, thinking airily of the time he had spent waiting for the day of the Cell Games. *Two Points!*   
  
Frieza coughed lightly and regained his composure. "As for marrying her, that was not my choice. The marriage was arranged by my father, King Kold."   
  
"So what? She's a princess or something?" Burter asked as he scratched the back of his blue head.   
  
"No, unlike most foolish cultures, the Ice-jin race decides who is king and queen by strength. The most powerful are the ones who rule. She simply was the strongest female ice-jin out there. Problem was, she KNEW it," Frieza sighed unhappily.   
  
"Oh, well I guess that makes more sense than you marrying because you LOVE her," Burter nodded in agreement.   
  
Frieza barked out a miserable laugh. "LOVE, yeah..."   
  
"Yes, well, I'd love to stand here and listen to you describe your past misfortune, but unfortunately, I DON'T WANT TO. Let's go," Cell said as he impatiently tapped his foot, making that familiar squeaky noise. Nucleus unconscientiously copied him in his own impatience.   
  
"Yes, alright, Alright," Frieza sighed as he, Cell, and Nucleus made their way out the door that actually WAS a door.   
  
Jeice blinked. "Hey! What about us? How are we supposed to take care of your kids Cell?!" he yelled anxiously.   
  
"How should I know? I'm not a baby-sitter," Cell shrugged.   
  
"But-But you're their DAD!" Burter stammered, quickly understanding the problem.   
  
"Yeah, but I'm not a BABY-SITTER," Cell repeated as he went out the door.   
  
Jeice groaned lowly before reaching over and grabbing Nucleus' arm. "Hey! You? How are we supposed to take care of your brothers?"   
  
Nucleus shrugged nonchalantly. "I dunno. Mz. Icy screamed a lot at them. That never worked of course. My guess would be to bribe them. Bribe them a lot." With that he disappeared through the door.   
  
"Bribe them, bribe them. Okay got that," Jeice repeated, trying to calm himself down.   
  
"Bribe them with WHAT?!" Burter screeched at Jeice. "What the H.E.L.L. do we HAVE?!"   
  
Jeice went a very pale orange as he remembered he had nothing except the armor on his back and his luxurious white hair. He was not about to part with his hair. "Oh KAMI!" he shrieked in panic.   
  
  
HONK! HONK!   
  
"C'mon! Let's MOVE it!" Mz. Icy yelled as she honked the horn of her ancient jeep. She had set the driver's seat of the jeep back and was laying with her feet up on the horn, honking occasionally from time to time with them.   
  
"Kami! You've only been out here for a MINUTE! Have some patience already!" Cell yelled angrily as he walked out into the garage, Nucleus and Frieza trailing behind.   
  
"I don't have to be patient! It's my car. And besides, evil people and beautiful women don't have to be patient. And I'm both! So there!" Mz. Icy snorted in retort, honking the horn again to emphasize her point.   
  
"Ha! So waiting for ten-plus years in a tube, and then running around an alternate Earth looking for a pair of androids that have turned out to be destroyed, and _then_ biding time to steal a time machine in order to go backwards in time to a _different_ Earth in order to absorb those SAME androids, and _then_ running around until you find _them_ isn't PATIENCE?!" Cell yelled angrily, he had plenty to speak about on the subject of patience...   
  
"Well that depends on the fact of if you're evil or not doesn't it?" Mz. Icy snorted. Cell blinked in confusion, trying to figure out what THAT meant.   
  
"Besides DEAREST, everyone knows you're the ugliest thing alive," Frieza chuckled maliciously as he walked up to the door of the jeep and tried to open it-only to find it was jammed tightly.   
  
"I'm going to file that comment deep into the recesses of my mind, carefully labeled and categorized, and after we sign all the documents and what-not and are officially divorced, I will take it up to revive your little insult and will do my best to KILL you," Mz. Icy hissed. "And as for that door, you have to pull HARD, it's really jammed up."   
  
Frieza tugged again. The door still resisted.   
  
"Harder," Mz. Icy advised.   
  
Frieza pulled again. STILL the door stayed closed.   
  
"HARDER," Mz. Icy shouted again as Frieza tried desperately to open the door.   
  
Frieza pulled once more using both hands, the door still refusing him entry. "Err..."   
  
"_HARDER!_" Mz. Icy screamed at the struggling Frieza.   
  
"ARRRRGG... !!!" Frieza pulled with all his might, grumbling under the pressure of the extremely jammed up door. Finally, fed up with the delay, Cell grabbed the distressed Ice-jin and threw him into the back of the topless jeep.   
  
"I'LL open the damned door," he growled angrily as he grabbed the handle and pulled, unceremoniously ripping the entire door off the car.   
  
"Hey!" Mz. Icy shouted angrily. "This jeep is government property!" She then paused to think for a moment and then shrugged. "Eh, go ahead and do what you want with it."   
  
Cell shrugged as he dumped the car door in a corner and climbed into the jeep beside Mz. Icy. Nucleus blinked and stared at the whole scene for a moment, before sighing and shaking his head. He climbed into the back next to Frieza.   
  
"Good. Let's go," Mz. Icy nodded curtly before turning on the ignition to the dusty jeep, however it coughed sickly and stalled. She turned around and smiled sheepishly at the rest of the group. "She uh, needs a little time to get used to the idea..." She turned around and began working furiously at the wheel. "C'mon baby, keep it together!"   
  
Nucleus flashed a glance at the disgruntled Frieza sitting next to him. He blinked. "Um, hey," he said, feeling he needed to say something. Frieza looked startled, as if he had just noticed his by-chance grand-son. He blinked, failed to say something, and returned to his glowering. Nucleus blinked and tried to start up a conversation again. "So uh... you're my grandpa, right?" he asked.   
  
_RRR-RRR-RRR!_ The car protested in the front.   
  
Frieza blinked and looked at Nucleus uncomfortably. "I suppose so. You father WAS partially made from my cells..."   
  
_RRR-RRR-RRR!_   
  
"Huh... I was... expecting someone a little more... green... and bug-like," Nucleus coughed, glancing at Cell in the shotgun, who was in turn yelling at Mz. Icy to start her 'damned' jeep already.   
  
_RRR-RRR-RRR!_   
  
"Yes well, surprises, surprises," Frieza shrugged. He then withdrew from the conversation and began to stare at Mz. Icy suspiciously. "She was holding the door wasn't she?" he suddenly asked, more of a statement then a question.   
  
_RRR-RRR-RRR!_   
  
"Uh..." Nucleus stated unsurely.   
  
_RRR-RRR-RRR!_   
  
"Witch..." Frieza growled, smoldering in hatred for his unwanted spouse.   
  
_RRR-RRR-RRR!-VROOM!!!_   
  
"Ah-hah! Here we go!" Mz. Icy laughed triumphantly, she then turned to Cell and grinned meanly. "See! I TOLD you she just needed some time to warm up! I KNOW this jeep! (That's why I hate it) So next time you don't have to go all POSTAL on me-"   
  
"Well guess what? I've been made from the genes of a dozen men, _and_ I have absorbed hundreds more so I'm made up of even MORE men! I KNOW CARS WOMAN!!! IT'S IN MY BLOOD! CARS RUN THROUGH MY VEINS DAMN IT! And this THING is about to DIE!" Cell screamed at Mz. Icy.   
  
"Yeah? Well... YEAH!" Mz. Icy snapped before stomping on the gas pedal. The jeep immediately screamed bloody murder as it accelerated up to fifty and collided with the garage door, went _through_ the garage door, and immediately collided into a gigantic red sign--failing to go through the sign. "Damn sign..." Mz. Icy growled. "DAMN RED SIGN!"   
  
"Well I guess THIS means we're going to have to fly. Poor us," Frieza muttered sarcastically from the backseat. Mz. Icy turned back and grinned brightly.   
  
"Nah, it's all right. I've done this before... a couple, maybe, *cough*, several times... The jeep's alright, just a couple MORE dents. Nothing to worry about." Mz. Icy immediately turned back to the front seat and turned on the ignition, immediately the jeep came to life, purring sweetly. "See? Running into giant red signs is even GOOD for it."   
  
"Kami..." Frieza muttered in despair.   
  
Mz. Icy stepped on to the gas pedal, slightly less gas this time, and drove out onto the road, humming off-key as she concentrated.   
  
  
"Mz. Icy, you're supposed to be driving on the RIGHT side of the road," Nucleus commented as watched several oncoming cars drive off the road and/or crash.   
  
"Shut up," Mz. Icy told him as she corrected her driving.   
  
"Hey, I thought people were supposed to drive on the ROAD, and not the SIDEWALK," Cell nagged, though to tell the truth he really didn't MIND running over a few souls...   
  
"Shut. Up," Mz. Icy said through gritted teeth as she got back on track to the relief of those who traveled without cars.   
  
"I thought red meant Stop," Frieza said innocently as he glanced backwards at the small pileup.   
  
"WHY WON'T ANY OF YOU JUST SHUT UP?!" Mz. Icy screamed angrily.   
  
Nucleus chuckled. "Are we there yet?" he asked innocently. Mz. Icy glanced back, looked forward, and stomped on the breaks, coming to a screeching halt.   
  
"Hey kid, we aren't starting this up again," she told him with a stern look on her face.   
  
"Alright, alright..." Nucleus sighed. He then muttered to himself, "Well, at least until we're out of the range where it's WORTH it to drive me back..."   
  
Mz. Icy started up the jeep again and accelerated up to some 80 miles per hour, oblivious to the honking horns and shouted obscenities around her.   
  
  


TO BE CONTINUED AND JUNK...

  
  
  
Yeah okay, so I slacked for a couple months. It's summer. S'cool. At least Fanfiction.net didn't shut down or anything again, right? Right. Well school is coming up so I'll probably start writing more and stuff. Don't worry or anything, the story will eventually continue, I just... slack. Yeah...   
  
Until the next, review!! And if you have any ideas on what should happen next that's cool too... really. That'd be cool. *wracks brain* 


	7. Part 7

**WHEN BAD GUYS PLAY BY THE RULES**

**How Prince Frieza met Ms. Icy**

_The story that couldn't be a fairy tale even if we suffocated them in pastel crap._

By: T.B. Stormshot-  
The ever magnificent and glamorous-she who likes bad asses who don't love themselves, evil people, and guys who wear zoot suits fashionably. 

Hey, a new chapter, cool. You know what? I was not constantly working at this for two months, (or more, when was the last time I uploaded a chapter?) I did this in a week. Geh... I'm planning to do better though, I simply have a LOT more school work than usual. Plus my Anatomy grade could be a _tad_ better... *cough*D*cough* I'll get it up though, I'm planning for a C, and then I'm damned sure my GPA will go up in the next semester... 

But why am I telling all you this? 

This is a prelude thing to my usual story. We'll be getting back to it in the next chapter, but I thought you all might enjoy this (and it might give me some more time to get over my writer's block, geh.) Oo, and I also did a decent picture of Mz. Icy while I was at it. Err, well I did the picture, but I haven't colored it yet. All I got though is a really crappy program named PhotoStudio 2000, so I'm going to wait until I get over to my community college and paint it from there-THEY have a decent program, Photoshop 6.0 damnit. I WANT that program… Anyway, when the picture's up, it'll be stationed over on MediaMiner.Org, I use it primarily for images, I really hate their set up though, too messy. And somebody is a terrible speller. My nickname is T.B. Stormshot, the image WILL be up in at least 2 days. 

Enjoy. 

* * *

Frieza was pissed. 

Scratch that. Frieza was _mightily_ pissed. So pissed in fact, that eighteen servants had met their ends because of his bad mood. They hadn't _really_ done anything wrong, except for the fact that they all had simply enraged Frieza to the point where he could no longer tolerate their existence. On a normal day this only occurred once or twice, and if Frieza was in a particularly good mood, he sometimes even _spared_ people. Unfortunately, Frieza was _not_ in a particularly good mood. He was pissed, so mightily pissed, that people around him tended to die prematurely. 

"My _father,_" Prince Frieza spat out as he stomped into his personal training grounds. When he was this pissed he often needed something durable to punch around, servants and slaves were much too easily broken and just didn't satisfy him. ",is an egotistical, moronic... _jerk!_" he hissed angrily. 

Zarbon looked up in surprise, nearly choking on the herbal tea he had been drinking. Quickly he chugged down the hot drink and tossed the cup over to a nearby slave. The slave's eyes widened as he rushed over to catch the cup, he snatched it in mid-air, fumbled as it refused to make a complete stop in his hand, and sighed in relief as he clutched the cup firmly. 

"DIE!" Frieza screamed as he ki-blasted the poor slave. 

Zarbon frowned unhappily at the corpse Frieza had left. "You know, I sort of liked him..." 

"Shut up Zarbon!" Frieza growled in annoyance. Zarbon quickly straightened, waited a moment, and then looked expectantly at Prince Frieza. "What?" Frieza growled as he noticed Zarbon's stare. 

"Well, you seem kind of... disgruntled, Master Frieza," Zarbon said reluctantly. Reluctantly, because he really didn't want to give Frieza an excuse to blast his head off. 

"Hell yeah!" Frieza yelled angrily as he hungrily scanned over the large area of his training room, looking for something to blast. Zarbon gulped and quickly got behind the controls to the room, right before Frieza set his eyes on HIM. He pushed a few buttons and quickly activated a few of the battle system droids set into the walls of the large, open-ceiling room. They flew up into the air with a light beep and rushed towards Frieza. 

"ARGH!" Frieza roared angrily as his turned around and blasted the mechanical orbs in mere seconds. Zarbon blinked and hesitated for only a second before calling up more. Frieza fried those, and several more batches, before Zarbon decided to try asking Frieza what was wrong-before he ran out of battle system droids. 

"So um, what exactly has you so... uh, _irate_ today Master Frieza?" Zarbon asked, sending out two more droids. Frieza did not hesitate to take out the two, and the next two either, before answering. 

"My _dad!_" Prince Frieza answered angrily. He blasted the next three orbs to smithereens. 

"Um, what did he do?" Zarbon asked, hesitatingly. 

"What did he _do?_" Frieza repeated ferociously. "WHAT DID HE _DO??! ARRRGGHHAHH!!"_ Frieza blasted the next battle system droid with a rather over-excessive ki blast, such an over-excessive ki blast in fact, that it slagged the entire wall behind it into a melted mess. He also managed to destroy the circuitry for the battle system droids, which meant they were unable now to function. Zarbon quickly looked to both sides and grabbed a nearby vase of flowers, he pulled them out and threw the vase over Prince Frieza's head. Frieza blasted it without noticing the change in opponents. 

"_He_ decided it was about time for me to get _married!_" Frieza shrieked angrily as he blasted the potted plant sent at him. 

Zarbon blinked. Blinked again. And then cocked his head sideways at Frieza. "_Married?!_" 

"Yeah! You heard me _married!_ That-that-" 

"That egotistical, moronic jerk?" Zarbon offered. 

"Yes!" Frieza hissed angrily. "He says it's about time I get married and start breeding the next generation of the royal line!" 

"Oh... so you're um, getting married to a _female_ I take it," Zarbon coughed uncomfortably. 

Frieza looked at Zarbon suspiciously. "Yeah, I take it that's the way it pretty much works, isn't it?" 

"Well, um, yes I suppose, you know if you _don't_ swing that way," Zarbon coughed. 

Frieza decided not to notice the comment and go on as he walked up to Zarbon. Zarbon quickly pulled out a bottle from the small refreshments cooler nearby and poured a small glass of liquor for Frieza. Frieza snatched the glass and quickly downed it, gesturing for another. His anger quickly faded into the depression that is normally associated with liquor and other intoxicating beverages. "I mean, _I_ am in the prime of my life Zarbon. I should be out cruising the beach, and blowing up stuff. It's too early to settle down. I mean I've only led four or five invasions!" 

"But Master Frieza, just because you're married, doesn't mean you're going to be settling down!" Zarbon laughed, Frieza sent him an angry look, but Zarbon went on before he could do anything. "I mean, look at your father, King Kold!" 

Frieza raised a nonexistant eyebrow. "My mother is dead," he said pointedly. 

"Exactly," Zarbon said. 

"Eh?" Frieza asked suspiciously. 

"Well, as you know, your mother's disappearance _was_ mysterious. There was no trace of her..." Zarbon said slowly. 

"What are you implying Zarbon?" Frieza asked in annoyance. 

"Oh, nothing, nothing. But I wouldn't be your right-hand man if I didn't hear rumors... and it _was_ a well-known fact that your mother and father didn't quite get along," Zarbon coughed. He raised an existant eyebrow at Frieza. 

"If you're saying that my father _killed_-" 

"Oh, I'm not saying anything of the sort Master Frieza. No, no, just rumors, just rumors..." Zarbon said hastily. "All I'm saying is, whatever _did_ happen to your mother, just think about it. King Kold has been pretty happy, he has taken over plenty of planets by himself, AND since he has you and your brother, he doesn't need to get married again!" 

Frieza mulled over this and blinked, a wide grin split across his face. "Ahh..." 

  
  
"So tell me again, Dad, what are all these females doing here again?" Prince Frieza sighed, his hands folded behind his back as he walked along the majestic courtyard with his father, King Kold. He glanced to the side of the pathway, where dozens of ice-jin women were fighting vigorously, each hoping to prove they were the strongest woman in the world and become the bride of Prince Frieza. 

"I thought that Zarbon would have explained that to you," King Kold frowned. 

"Oh, he did," Frieza nodded understandingly, ",but I was hoping I might hear it from you." 

"Ah, well then. As you know, there are very few female ice-jin in this world that can stand up to a male ice-jin. But it's very important to find those who can in order to have powerful children. Your mother for instance, was powerful, at least for a _female_ ice-jin. That's why you and your brother are stronger than any other ice-jin on our planet. So therefore, a tournament has to be held in order to decide which actually _is_ the strongest," King Kold summarized for him as they passed underneath two ice-jin women who had apparently decided to start name-calling each other instead of actually fighting. An ice-jin referee came up to them immediately and disqualified them. Both looked quite enraged as they began screaming at the referee who quickly qualified them again. Ki was not the only great strength. 

"Can't we just use those new ki sensors the scientists are working on? It would make things a whole lot easier," Frieza pointed out. He immediately smacked back a ill-aimed ki blast which had been coming in his direction. A faint apology was called out. 

King Kold looked at his son in disgust. "Frieza! You know I'm an old-fashioned man! It's traditional to hold a tournament for the choosing of a royalties wife. It is a custom that goes back for generations! My father did it for me, as your great-grandfather did it for my father, as your great-great-grandfather did it for your great-grandfather..." King Kold then bent down to whisper into his son's ear. "Though, I'd keep my eyes on that one over there. She has been found to be _particularly_ strong." King Kold pointed to a flying female who had just won her eighth battle. Frieza looked up, squinted, and then gestured for her to come down to the ground. She did so immediately, landing lightly, just a few feet away from Prince Frieza and King Kold. 

The unknown ice-jin, bowed stiffly to the two, and stood up straight, and about two-and-a-half feet taller than Prince Frieza. She wore military armor, suffice to say, she was part of the ice-jin army. "Soldier 146, Class A, Winter, at your service," she said stiffly. Prince Frieza's heart sank, if this was the strongest woman in the world, he was in for some very stiff company until he could have a couple kids. 

"Ms. Winter here is among some of our strongest soldiers," King Kold told Frieza proudly, looking at Winter with sparkling eyes. 

"But not strong enough to be promoted to anything other than a soldier?" Frieza said bluntly, looking at Winter with a raised, if non-existent eyebrow. 

"Frieza!" King Kold said in dismay, however, Winter interrupted before King Kold could go on to say anything. 

"While I realize I might not be as strong as most males, I strive to be the best I can be. And if the best I can be is a soldier in the great ice-jin army, then that is what I will be," Winter said firmly. Frieza frowned at this statement, she was just the type that his father liked. Brainlessly loyal. 

"Ah, you see Frieza. She would make an awfully good wife," King Kold said with a grin, a shadow passed his face momentarily. "Unlike that mouthy, classless _tramp_ of a-" He suddenly brightened. "But that's another story." 

"King Kold, Prince Frieza, I request that I may return to the tournament," Winter said sharply. 

"Yes, yes, request permitted. Make us proud," King Kold said with a small half-smile on his face. Frieza sighed unhappily, this was not going well. 

  
  
In barely a week, the tournament was over. Over it, hundreds of female ice-jin had been sent home, dreams dashed in battle. After all, there could only be one strongest woman, and the winner had, of course, been Soldier Winter, much to Frieza's displeasure. He had been forced to have several conversations with her, none of them being in the least interesting. Soldier Winter was devoid of any personality as Frieza had found out, but when he had mentioned this to King Kold, King Kold had simply scoffed and said that it was better to have a wife with no personality than too much personality. Frieza was not exactly sure of what he meant by this. 

They were now in preparation of the wedding celebration, a celebration of which crossed the entire ice-jin world. Hundreds of goods were imported in, including tributes and presents from all the major families, and most of the minor ones as well. The castle was to be decorated in splendor, feasts were to be prepared. It was going to be one real party. 

Frieza was glum. 

Mightily glum. 

So mightily glum, that you would think this was his funeral instead of his wedding. But for him, it might well have been, at least for a few years of his life. He was not looking forward to spending time with Winter, who thought mostly of military might and conquest, and especially of how best to serve her planet. 

This might have been good material for a soldier, but it wasn't especially good material for a wife. Winter wasn't exactly the type of person you could really get to know, too cold, even for an ice-jin. SURE, she might like taking over planets just as much as Frieza did, but not for the same reasons. As far as she was concerned, everything she did was for the benefit of the ice-jin people, whether taking over a planet or becoming a wife and having children. Frieza's motives were almost entirely selfish-at least in light of Winter's-he liked taking over planets for the sheer delight of forced oppression. He also enjoyed blowing stuff up, purely because he enjoyed blowing stuff up. 

"Zarbon, are there any more droids?" Frieza muttered morosely. 

Frieza had been hiding out in his training grounds for most of the week, only being dragged out if it was absolutely necessary. Only his two right-hand men were allowed in, Zarbon and Dodoria, though usually only Zarbon was present. Dodoria had been avoiding him most of the week. When Frieza had asked Zarbon what was up with him, Zarbon had simply said he had been rather sick lately. 

"No," Zarbon responded, intently reading a magazine. Frieza looked suspiciously at the cover, which portrayed cosmetics, but Zarbon assured him it was only for cultural content. 

"Well, are there any more vases?" Frieza asked. 

"No, you have successfully blown up every single vase and potted planet in the immediate area, Lord Frieza," Zarbon told him, turning the page. Frieza thought it was reminiscent of when he had caught Zarbon looking at a porn magazine, normally he wouldn't have really cared, but most of the pictures had been of guys... Zarbon had assured him it was simply for anatomical purposes. 

"Well, are there any-" 

"You've blown up and destroyed everything. There's nothing left, Lord Frieza," Zarbon simply said. 

"Well how about-" 

"_Everything_," Zarbon accented. 

Frieza sighed unhappily. 

"Um, Master Frieza?" a servant asked nervously as he popped his head into the room. He was not in any hurry to die. 

Frieza turned and looked at the servant with a dangerous glint in his eye. "What?" 

"Well, um, my lord, the great and glorious King Kold, requests your presence in order to discuss the catering for your wedding, may I congratulate you personally sir," the servant said quickly and as graciously as possible, and also with as much of his body behind the wall as possible without being rude. 

"Why does he need my help with the _catering?_" Frieza muttered in annoyance. "That's for the palace _chefs_ to decide, not a _prince._" 

"I think he's just trying to involve you more Prince Frieza, in the planning of your wedding. He's probably noticed that you have been spending a lot of time in your training grounds lately," Zarbon responded vaguely, deeply involved in an article about accessorizing he was reading. 

"Still, _catering..._" Frieza muttered as he stomped out of the room, the servant yelping as he rushed to keep just a head of his Master Frieza in order to show him the way. 

  
  
"Now I've been discussing with the castle chefs Frieza and-" 

"Well that's fine, why do you need me then?" Frieza asked in annoyance. 

"Shut up." King Kold said bluntly, before going on. "Now I've been discussing with the castle chefs, and we have been thinking about theming the banquet..." 

"Good. Give it any theme you like. I really need to be going now, lots of training to do," Frieza said testily as he turned to leave. King Kold grabbed him by his horns and dragged him back. 

"We have also decided that it should be up to _you_ to decide the theme. After all, you _are_ the husband-to-be here," King Kold grinned. 

"You know, I don't recall Cooler having to do anything like this," Frieza muttered angrily. 

"Well I recall Cooler having a certain type of surgery in order to avoid his duties, that practically illegitimate son of mine. If I ever get my hands on him," King Kold muttered angrily, eyes narrowing as he thought of his _other_ son. "Buuut, your brother isn't the subject here. Now you just decide the theme to your wedding banquet so the chefs can ready for it." 

Frieza thought about it and a wildly sardonic grin crossed his face. "_I_ know, we can do the entire wedding in military garb, you know, as a tribute to my new wife's accomplishments. And instead of a banquet meal, we can all eat MREs!" 

The chief chef sputtered angrily while King Kold gave his son a menacing look. "Perhaps we should discuss this another time, when you are less opposed to the idea of good food," King Kold hissed angrily. Frieza looked up innocently at his father. 

"Whatever do you mean Daddy? I think it's a fairly good idea, I mean, don't _you_ want Winter to feel comfortable in her new home?" Frieza smiled. 

"I have another idea, since you wish to make Winter feel as comfortable as possible, you obviously need to know more about her. Why don't you just go and spend a little _quality time_ with her then?" King Kold grinned coldly. "She's outside, signing in packages for the wedding." 

"Now why in hell, is she doing _that?_" Frieza asked as he gritted his teeth. 

"She said she just couldn't stand around doing nothing and asked to help in anyway she could. So I allowed her to have the task of signing in packages. If I were you, I would count myself lucky to have such a _helpful_ wife," King Kold told him sincerely. "Now when I was _your_ age, _I_ wasn't quite as lucky..." 

"_Lucky?_ She's an absolute stiff! And I'm _not_ going to marry her!" Frieza yelled angrily. 

"Oh, yes you are. And now you are going to spend a little quality time with her, _whether you like it or not!_" King Kold told him stonily as he grabbed Frieza again by the horns and dragged him across the castle. 

  
  
"Okay, I have a cargo load of _melons_ here for the Royal Palace," the cargo hauler said as she looked at her list. She glanced back at her truck, nervous to make time for her next shipment. 

"Melons? Good. I would like melon at the banquet. We don't have enough of them in the military," Winter said firmly as she pushed back her straight, snow-white hair. "I'll sign them in," she said shortly as she gestured for the clipboard the cargo hauler held. 

"Aaand, who are you?" the cargo hauler asked, looking suspiciously at Winter. 

"I am Soldier Winter, soon to be Princess Winter as I will be marrying Prince Frieza," Winter said firmly. 

"My congrats. Okay, so as of yet, you are not related to the Royal Palace?" the cargo hauler asked. 

"Not yet, but I soon will be," Winter told her testily. "Now please, the clipboard." 

"Okay, so you're not yet related to the palace. Do you have a written and signed note from the _head_ of the Royal Palace?" the cargo hauler asked, tapping a pen against her ear. 

"No. Should it matter? Please, just let me sign in these packages and then you may be off," Winter said tersely as she held out her hand for the pen and the clipboard the cargo hauler had in her hands. 

"Uh-huh. Sorry, but we got a little rule back at the company, that says only the members of the party related can sign goods in. Can't let you sign these melons in, get it? I mean, you know what happened the _last_ time I let someone unrelated sign a shipment in? The cargo load was _stolen_. I nearly lost my job, and at this point, I really can't lose this job. Too many unpaid bills, you know? And a few rather *cough* _large_ debts. So if you could just get a servant, or a guard or something, they're bound by law to the Royal Palace, so it's all right for them to sign packages in and stuff," the cargo hauler said as she bent her neck to rid herself of a nasty kink. 

Winter's eyes widened in anger. "Are you implying that I would steal _from the Royal Palace?!_ she asked in cold outrage. 

"Nah, just saying I'm not willing to take any risks, so I'm going by the book from now on. Now if you could just run along, and get a servant, or a guard, or steward, or whatever, we can get these melons in the castle, and me on the road, okay? I'm determined to make quota today," the cargo hauler said with a swing of her wrist. 

"Why-why, you _cretin!_ Do you have _any_ idea who you are speaking to? I am Soldier Winter, Class A, of the great Ice-Jin Army! I am soon to be the princess of all ice-jin and-" 

"Aaaand, you are not yet related to the Royal Palace. Now if you would get that through your brain-washed mind, we might get somewhere here," the cargo hauler finished for her, going through the remaining shipments she had to haul that day. 

With that, Winter smashed her fist into the other woman's nose, the cargo hauler went down immediately. Winter rubbed her knuckle and narrowed her eyes at the downed ice-jin as she turned to leave. "Insubordination will not be tolerated," she huffed. 

"That wasn't bad," came a voice from behind her, Winter turned back in surprise as the other woman climbed back onto her feet. She rubbed her nose where Winter had punched her. "I mean it, that really hurt." 

"Y-You should be unconscious! I punched you with enough force to-" Winter stammered in surprise. 

"Like I _care?_" the other ice-jin snorted as she pushed back her lush, bright-red hair. "Now like I was saying, I need someone who is a member of the Royal Palace-" she only got that far before Winter planted her fist in the cargo hauler's face _again._ "Owww! Shit! I didn't come here to pick a fight, I came here to deliver _melons!_" She stumbled back in just in time to miss another of Winter's punches. "C'mon! I could get in trouble for this! You're eating up my pay check here!" 

  
  
"Now I don't care if you're planning to _murder_ her, you are going to marry her, you are going to breed, have some children, and then I don't care WHAT you do, but you are going to marry her and LIKE IT," King Kold yelled angrily as he stepped outside the palace and onto the drive. 

"Dad! Ow! You aren't even making _sense!_ Ow! Just listen to yourself! OW! _Let go of my horns! Damn it!_" Prince Frieza yelled as he tried to escape from his father's grip. 

"She is the strongest female ice-jin in the world, which by tradition and _law_ means _you_ have to marry her. So whine all you want, but-" King Kold stopped suddenly as he came into view of Winter and the cargo hauler, who were fighting all-out now. Actually, only Winter seemed to be throwing any punches, the cargo hauler seemed to only be intent on evading the blows and yelling out 'she didn't want to get in trouble' and 'this wasn't in the job description', and most often, 'I really need to get moving, I still have fourteen more shipments after this AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE THIS JOB!!!'. 

"Well tradition can kiss my-" Frieza began to yell, he stopped as King Kold let go of his horns. "Thank you," he huffed as he straightened up, brushing himself off. 

"C'mon! I can't afford to lose this job. Too many bills!" the cargo hauler yelled as she ducked another blow, a second later, jumping up in time to avoid a quick kick. 

"Argh!" Winter yelled as she tried to deliver even one blow. The cargo hauler avoided each one like a silver fish, all while talking quickly and passionately about whatever seemed to come to mind. 

"I got a lot of debts you know? They threatened to set the _mafia_ against me, I don't _do_ mafia!" the cargo hauler yelled as she jumped back and around Winter, Winter swirled a kick around, but still the simple cargo hauler managed to evade. 

"Stand STILL!" she yelled angrily as she tried in vain to connect. 

"But if I do you're going to hit me because you're one of those brain-washed military people and that's what you do. However, I don't like being hit, it leaves a giant welt or bruise, and you know what happens when I get a giant welt or bruise? It swells up like a balloon and it makes me looks ugly. I can already feel my nose starting to swell, and I STILL have fourteen shipments!" the cargo hauler snapped, she glanced over and noticed King Kold and Prince Frieza. "Good, guards." She ducked under Winter's next kick and surged upwards, smacking her own fist in Winter's face. Winter went down like a rock. 

King Kold and Prince Frieza's jaws also went down like rocks. 

The cargo hauler dusted her hands off, picked up the clipboard and pen, and walked over to King Kold and Prince Frieza. She looked at both of them solemnly, before turning half-way to point at the unconscious Winter. "She's crazy," she said pointedly. "She would have _killed_ me, I mean it! I mean, here I am, just a simple cargo hauler, trying to keep my job, and she just _attacks_ me. And Prince Frieza's _marrying_ this wacko? Scary stuff, friends. Sign on the dotted line, please," she said abruptly, shoving the clipboard into King Kold's chest. 

King Kold looked down at his son with a large grin as he took the clipboard and pen and signed the melons in. 

"Dad..." Frieza said suspiciously. 

"Aw! What a cute little kid you have! What are you kid, ten? Eleven?" the cargo hauler asked as she bent down to grin at Prince Frieza. This only caused King Kold's grin to become even wider and much, much more evil. 

"_Dad..._" Frieza said urgently, nervously noticing the very scary look on his father's face. 

King Kold finished signing the clipboard and handed it back to the cargo hauler. The cargo hauler barely glanced at it before tucking it under her elbow. "Hey, thanks. You know, for not going _crazy_ or anything. All I got to say is, Prince Frieza better put a _muzzle_ or something on that woman. _Crazy._" the Cargo hauler said as she shook her head and turned to leave. 

"Hm, excuse me, but what's your name?" King Kold called out suddenly. The cargo hauler glanced back in surprise. 

"Eh? Oh, uh, Icy. Ms. Icy. What? You name my name in order to report a complaint or something? Because if you are, I'd appreciate it you run it buy me so I can pay you off. I can't afford to lose this job you know," Ms Icy said, flashing a grin. 

"Oh, no, nothing of the sort. I was just wondering if you could possibly stay and perhaps chat awhile. So I might say on what a fine job you're doing," King Kold said as he gestured towards Winter. "I'm glad to see someone keeping these _wackos_ of the streets." 

"Yeah? Well it'd be nice if someone didn't _put_ them there in the first place. All I have to say is if _she_ becomes the Princess of Everybody, it just proves how screwed up our government really is, you know? Don't quote me on that though, doesn't really matter what I think. Anyway, glad for the offer, but I really got to be going, my boss has had it up to _here_ with me and if I don't meet quota today, I lose my job. And I _really_ can't lose my job." 

"No, really. I am demanding that you stay," King Kold said firmly, a bright sparkle in his eye. Ms. Icy looked at him for a long moment, and then snorted before beginning to walk back to her truck. 

She glanced back as she got in. "Listen pal, I wouldn't stick around if you were old _King Kold himself_. I _got_ to make quota today. I'm not kidding when I say I need this job you know." 

"But I _am_ King Kold himself," King Kold chuckled as Ms. Icy got in the truck and began to drive off. She drove about two feet before coming to a screeching stop. She began to backup, and then stopped again. Put it in drive and drove three more feet forward, and then finally just got out of the truck, bringing along her clipboard, her pen, and a small digital flatscreen. 

Ms. Icy walked up to King Kold, and squinted at him, as if trying to remember someone she thought she should have known. She looked closely at the clipboard, which indeed, on the dotted line, had King Kold's signature. She opened her mouth to say something, failed, and closed her mouth again. She then took out the digital pad, and tapped in a few things. A picture was brought up, obviously of King Kold. Ms. Icy squinted at the picture, and then squinted up at King Kold. She then squinted back down at the picture, and up again at King Kold. As an afterthought, she brought up a picture of Prince Frieza, looked at it, and bent down to squint at the frustrated Frieza. She blinked and stood up straight again, before a ridiculously large and very nervous grin split her face. 

"Heh, hehheh," she began to laugh nervously. 

"Hehhehheh," King Kold also began to laugh. 

"HeehehhahahaHAHAHAHA!" Ms. Icy started to laugh uncontrollably. 

"HehhehHahahahaHaHaHa," King Kold joined her. For a full minute, both laughed loudly. Frieza simply looked at both of them strangely, Ms. Icy with disgust, and his father with a nervous look as he wondered what he was up to. 

"Oh KAMI! Don't kill me!" Ms. Icy squeaked, suddenly breaking away from her uncontrollable laughter. 

"Relax," King Kold said coolly. Frieza looked at his father in shock. 

"Oh please! I didn't _realize_ it was you! I mean, I've only seen you on t.v. and stuff, and-and you're so much _bigger_ in real life-I mean Taller! TALLER! So much more _INTIMIDATING!_" Ms. Icy shrieked as she realized her mistake, she stretched her hand out far above herself, trying to show how tall King Kold really was. She looked down at Prince Frieza, realizing just who he was. _Not_ ten. "A-And Prince Frieza, _Lord_ Frieza! I-I just didn't realize he was so _shrimpy!_ KAMI! I MEANT THAT IN A _GOOD_ WAY! KAMI! Don't _KILL_ me!" 

"Relax. I'm not angry with you. In fact, I rather _like_ you, eh, Frieza?" King Kold asked, grinning at his son. 

At that moment, Frieza realized what his father meant to do. He blinked, thought, blinked again, glanced up at Ms. Icy, thought, blinked again, and- 

"Oh my! My poor dear wife-to-be!" He suddenly shouted out as he daintily ran out to where Winter lay. "Winter, my dear, are you alright? Tell me that cheating woman's sneak attack didn't harm you in anyway??" he asked, shaking Winter frantically. Winter let out a low groan, but did not wake up. 

"Frieza, come back here!" King Kold called out to his son. He summoned a servant who appeared almost immediately at King Kold's side. "Take Winter back to her room and lay her down. When she wakes up, inform her that she is no longer betrothed to Prince Frieza and her services will no longer be needed," King Kold told the servant, who immediately called up a couple other servants and carried Winter into the castle, much to Frieza's dismay. He began to follow, but King Kold stopped him as he walked by. 

"But father! I must be by my Love's side! We _are_ going to be married you know," Frieza said in a longing tone. 

"Oh please, " King Kold simply snorted. "Don't give me that nonsense. And as for Winter, you needn't think about her any more. I have just found the strongest woman in the world." 

"Eh?" Ms. Icy felt she had to interject. 

"Father, please..." Frieza pleaded. 

"Yes, I have just found the strongest woman in the world, and now you and Ms. Icy here, are going to be married, have plenty of children, and then I don't really care," King Kold said, grinning merrily. 

"DAD!" Frieza shouted. 

"EH???!!!" Ms. Icy shouted in shock. "EXCUSE ME??!" 

"Dad! I can't marry _her!_ She-SHE'S NOT EVEN MILITARY!" Frieza yelled in shocked dismay. 

"Huh, last time I checked, you were seriously displeased with Winter's actions in the military. I would think this change in pace would come as a relief," King Kold sniffed. 

"H-hey! Let's not forget ME here! I don't have _time_ to get married! I have a job. I have bills!" Ms. Icy yelled angrily. 

"All easily paid for by our treasury," King Kold pointed out. 

"W-well I can't marry someone who's that _short!_ He's too shrimpy! He looks like he's a little kid! I'd feel like I was committing a crime or something!" Ms. Icy said angrily, pointing her finger in Frieza's face. 

"Frieza has several different forms he uses to conserve energy. The second form is quite a bit taller," King Kold simply shrugged. 

"W-Well how do you know I'm even _fit_ for your son?? I'm pretty weak! Really! All you would have are really, really _weak_ kids! REALLY!" Ms. Icy yelled in a wild tone, her bright-red hair by now was pointing in all directions. 

"Not likely. Winter, the one you just defeated, happened to be the supposedly strongest female ice-jin in the world. Therefore, that would make _you_ the strongest female ice-jin in the world. I think that's an awfully good title, don't you?" King Kold said as he grinned thoughtfully. 

"Yeah, _peachy_," Ms. Icy growled. 

"Father!" Frieza yelled angrily. "I can't marry her, she-she's just mouthy, gaudy-haired _commoner!_" King Kold shrugged to that too. 

"Hey!" Mz. Icy said angrily. 

"So? Tradition says that to the royal, only the strongest may marry, class not withstanding." 

"Okay, so what happened to all that stuff you were giving to me about hating _your_ wife? Wasn't _she_ exactly like this?!" Frieza asked angrily. King Kold grinned in response. 

"I've had a change of heart. I _like_ Ms. Icy here, in fact, I believe she'll be rather good for you. She'll keep you in line-" 

"She's _OUT OF THE LINE!_ Frieza screamed. 

"_Same to YOU!_ Ms. Icy yelled angrily, and to Frieza's surprise, pushed him down on his tail. Frieza began to power up in anger, ready to show Ms. Icy just _who_ was stronger _here_, when King Kold's laughter disarmed him and Ms. Icy. 

King Kold grabbed Frieza of the ground and Ms. Icy, and in a rare display of emotion, hugged them both tightly against his chest, "Hah! I can tell both of you are going to have _exceptional_ children. And believe me, you're going to _have_ children. _Get it?_" King Kold asked, grinning venomously down at the two. 

Frieza grimaced. 

"But I can't lose this job..." Ms. Icy said faintly. 

_AND NOW WE CONTINUE WITH YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING_

* * *

And so Prince Frieza and Ms Icy were wed, and as we know the fate of Princess Icy, I really can't say that they lived happily ever after, without bringing up several legal issues and severe accusations about my credibility. So I'll just say they lived a very short while together, simply tolerating each other's existence. Except that would also be a lie. Sorry I took so long, but I'm here, and I've now decided that it's about time I _really_ started working on this fic. I wrote this whole chapter here in less than a week. That proves I can really write if I put my heart into it, it also proves I'm a really lazy person. *thinks* Well, than again, I DO have plenty of homework and junk going on, so I guess I'm not THAT lazy. But I'll try harder! REALLY! I already have FOUR WHOLE PAGES of the next chapter done! _REALLY!_


	8. Part 8

**WHEN BAD GUYS PLAY BY THE RULES**

_But only when it suits them…_

By T.B. Stormshot, a girl. Not male. Female. For those who don't get it. 

Hey! Look! It's a new part! Only a WEEK after the last one! Pretty cool, eh? And it's pretty long too, which says something more. Okay, okay, I had about four pages of this one done BEFORE the sixth chap, but at that point I had a serious mind block and I needed some time to think up what would basically happen next. (for me, everything just sort of… falls together as I'm writing.) But, I know exactly where I'm going now, and I can promise that the next chapter will be quite funny.  
…  
…  
…  


Not that this one isn't. 

By the way, I am really starting to *get annoyed* with Dragonball Z-the Buu saga I mean. Is it just me, or is Piccolo nothing more than a nursemaid now? I mean, really, I always wanted to see him being dragged around by his cape, but not by _Gotenks_. The whole saga is just KILLING me… I mean, I love DBZ, but everybody is just so powerful now it's getting _ridiculous_. I am really not looking forward to DB GT. I'm thinking maybe I'll just finish up with DBZ and be done with it. Toriyama didn't even DO it anyway. All he did was character sketches.

So anyway, enjoy! I don't own DBZ and had nothing at all to do with its concept, but I do a pretty good job using that concept to make up a really screwed up story! By the way, Mz. Icy is now colored and ready to be looked at in Mediaminer.Org. The link is: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanart/view.php?id=107471 uh, you might have to paste it yourself… 

* * *

_Excerpt from The Daily Ice-Jin._

**PRINCESS ICY FOUND POISONED!**

**Princess Icy was found dead late last night when her personal servants found her body sprawled in the palace garden. The servants had reported that she had been missed during her evening meal with her husband Prince Frieza. "We did not think anything of it at first, Princess Icy often excused herself from dinner with Master Frieza. She told us that she had a very delicate stomach," the servants say. Further examination showed that she had ingested a highly toxic poison, and had been dead for several hours before discovery. Examiners say that the poisons seem to have been mixed with her tea and must have been slipped in during her afternoon luncheon. Prince Frieza says, "I mourn for my dear departed wife, Icy, and I hope that we may all overcome this tragedy as quickly as possible... it's as she would want it. Until I might myself overcome my own grief I have decided to start an expedition to the nearby planet Vegeta. Hopefully we might make peace with this primitive planet." Prince Frieza is expected to leave immediately later this week as the primary ambassador to Planet Vegeta, the planet of the ape-like Saiyans. King Kold, has released early this morning that he will lead the search as to who murdered Princess Icy until Prince Frieza is emotionally capable again. "I can only imagine as to what my son feels over my precious daughter-in-law. She was truly the strongest woman on our small planet by far. And speaking of the strongest, while this pain is still fresh in everyone's hearts, I'm afraid we must still persevere in seeking out a new wife for my son-political reasons of course. So I ask all of you, the proud ice-jin of our planet, to search out for anyone, _anyone,_ who might possibly be stronger than Princess Icy. Even if you must, a male will do, I'm sure my son wouldn't mind. Geneticists do wonders these days." Police forces have no leads as to who has poisoned Princess Icy, the only information that they have released to the press being-'the murderer was crafty, leaving no clues or prints behind. The crime site was totally clean and the poison was of an unknown origin." The Daily Ice-jin will release information as given, but for now, all we can ask is-Who killed Princess Icy?**

  
  
  
  
"So what do we do?" Burter asked Jeice, trying not to panic. Sure, he was strong, but only in terms of his own race. Six Cell Jrs. were far above his, Jeice's, and Guldo's heads. 

"Well let's just see what we have here. We are three Ginyu Force members, two strong people and one really weak person, right?" Jeice began to calculate slowly. Burter nodded in response while Guldo sulked. "Aaaand, we are up against six tiny, little, very small... kids." 

"Yeah..." Burter responded in agreement. 

"So here's the plan. We send Guldo in to distract Cell's kids while we make a break for it," Jeice concluded firmly. 

"WHAT?! Why do _I_ have to distract Cell's kids?!" Guldo cried out in protest. 

"Duh, because you're a fat little butterball, Guldo. A _green_ butterball at that. They couldn't possibly _not_ notice you," Jeice snorted. Guldo opened his mouth to say something, but shut his mouth as his lip began to tremble extensively. 

"But won't Cell be mad if we abandon his kids. You know how he was when he was just trying to get to them. He was _crazy_," Burter offered. 

"Well _yeah_, but not if Guldo is around to watch them," Jeice shrugged. 

"Ah," Burter understood, nodding in agreement. 

"Wha-What?! But why do _I_ have to stay?! I want to go with _you_ guys!" Guldo whined unhappily. 

"Guldo! I'm surprised with you!" Jeice said in a disappointed tone. "We _all_ had to make sacrifices when we joined the Ginyu Force and I can't _believe_ that you think you can just waltz through with out a scratch! You're the kind of person who thinks life is just a game isn't it?" Jeice frowned. 

"Yeah, that's really shallow Guldo," Burter frowned angrily. 

"B-But I got KILLED being in the Ginyu Force!" Guldo shouted frantically. 

"Pfft, and that's your excuse? I really expected better of _you_ Guldo," Jeice tsked as he shook his head. "I thought you were more _mature_ than that." 

"Yeah, you're acting like a baby Guldo," Burter agreed. 

"Guldo's just a big BABY," Jeice sneered. 

"BABY," Burter snorted in disgust. 

Guldo sniffed and looked like he was about to cry. "I-I'm NOT a BABY!" 

"Then _prove_ it," Jeice sniffed. 

"Yeah, _prove_ it," Burter echoed. 

"Okay, then I WILL!" Guldo shouted angrily. 

"Then go and distract those Cell Jrs!" Jeice ordered as he pointed towards the entrance to the nursery. 

"That's _exactly_ what I'm going to do!" Guldo yelled as he marched through the doorway, closing the door behind him. Both Jeice and Burter waited a moment before snorting in laughter. "What a _idiot_," Burter laughed. 

"Yeah, he really IS a baby," Jeice agreed. "Now let's get out of here before he has second thoughts!" With that both members of the Ginyu force took off without so much as a glance back at the unfortunate Guldo. 

  
  
  
  
"... Do we know where we're going?" Nucleus asked uncertainly. 

"_I'm_ going to Lord Yemma's, _Pinky's_ going straight to HELL if he doesn't put down that bag in the backseat right now," Mz. Icy growled. 

"Ha! Too late! I'm already IN H.E.L.L.!" Frieza grinned triumphantly as he continued fiddling with the knots on the strange opaque plastic bag. 

"You KNOW what I meant! And you'd better put that thing down!" Mz. Icy yelled angrily. 

"Ah! Aha! See? You AREN'T WATCHING THE ROAD! How'd you manage to get your damned license anyway? Damned women drivers..." Cell muttered in annoyance. 

"I _checked_ the MIRRORS you over-grown COCKROACH! And as for that ill-made comment on women drivers, well-" Mz. Icy started to rant. 

"Uh, Mz. Icy-" Nucleus tried to interrupt politely. 

"Not now kid! Me and your dad have to have an ADULT conversation!" Mz. Icy yelled angrily, still driving as fast as the little worse-of-for-wear jeep could go." 

"That's _'Your dad and I'_ and all I have to say to YOU is-" Cell spouted angrily. 

"MZ. ICY WATCH THE ROAD!" Nucleus screeched in panic as he pointed in front of them. 

"Oh, now don't YOU started with me!" Mz. Icy yelled as she looked forward. Her eyes widened as she swerved to miss large semi which was crossing at the intersection they were just about to enter. "Oh shi-!!" She had just enough time to squawk before they collided side-to-side with the semi. 

_BOOM!!!!_ the semi, which had coincidentally been caring a largely pressurized load of gas, exploded, taking the ill-forsaken jeep with it. 

A few minutes later and all that was left were the burning skeletons of the two vehicles. 

Mz. Icy then proceeded to drag herself out of the wreckage with Cell picking himself up just behind. Mz. Icy looked angrily at Cell. "I blame this all on YOU, you know," she growled as she wiped some suit from her chin. 

"_What?!_ What did I do?!" Cell yelled angrily. 

"YOU-" Mz. Icy began. 

"Never mind! I don't care! Just help me get this wreckage off of Nucleus! I need to make sure he's okay!" Cell interrupted angrily as he began pulling off the twisted remains of the jeep and semi-in one large chunk. He blinked and stared at the lump in his hands. "Never mind, I guess I can do this myself," he muttered as he lugged the pile some few miles to the left. 

"No shit," Mz. Icy muttered. 

"Nucleus! Are you alright?" he asked in alarm as his cloned son picked himself off the ground. 

"Yeah," Nucleus responded as he coughed and slowly stood up, "but next time I want someone _else_ to drive." 

"I'm fine," Frieza said as he dusted himself off. 

"So?" Mz. Icy asked, as she glanced with an annoyed look on her face at Frieza. Frieza sneered at Mz. Icy in response. 

"That's it! I've had it up to HERE with you Ms.-Mrs.-" Cell stuttered. 

"MZ! The name is MZ. ICY. No MRS," Mz. Icy hissed angrily at Cell. 

"WHATEVER!" Cell shouted angrily. "I don't even know WHY I put up with you in the first place, but I've had ENOUGH! Nucleus and I are leaving! We are going BACK to that hell hole picking up the rest of my children, and getting as far away from YOU as possible! YOU are an incompetent moron and I don't know HOW you managed to get a hold of such a precarious job as CHILD CARE! As far as I'm concerned YOU AND FRIEZA BELONG TOGETHER!" 

Mz. Icy looked aghast. And then very pissed as she walked right up to Cell and stood up on her tiptoes to stare up furiously in his face. "YOU-YOU-YOU GIANT GREEN, DISGUSTING, IDIOTIC, FRIEZA-SPAWNED ASSHOLE! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME?!?! How can you call me an incompetent moron anyway? Aren't YOU these boys' father??! Aren't YOU supposed to be the primary care giver?? Aren't YOU supposed to protect them?? Well GEE WHIZ! I THINK YOU _ARE!_ OR AT LEAST WERE! Because as far as I see, the Cell Juniors are all DEAD! AND THAT DOESN'T SEEM VERY COMPETENT TO ME!!!!" Mz. Icy shrieked. 

Cell was at a loss for words for a moment, but only for a moment. "HEY! What happened, HAPPENED! But now I plan to take care of my kids! And at least in H.E.L.L. they can't DIE! Alright?? Because that's obviously where we're going here! Nucleus, come now, we're going to get your siblings, and then we're out of here!" He pushed Mz. Icy away from him who stumbled back a step, but regained her footing almost instantly. 

Nucleus took a step towards his dad. 

"Hold on a second Nucleus!" Mz. Icy said angrily. "Now listen up Cell! On a GOOD day, when I'm feeling GOOD, and PLEASANT, and KIND, I might not care if you took your kids and left. But you just pissed me off. And I've had a hard day. I lost another employee, AND I had a bunch of IDIOTS blast holes all over my domain AND practically stomp my SPINE into DUST. So I'm NOT feeling GOOD, or PLEASANT, OR KIND. I'm feeling PISSED. And MEAN. And I'm going to take it ALL OUT ON YOU!" 

Cell snorted and spread his arms out wide. "So go ahead. ATTACK me. Let's see just how GOOD you are!" 

"Oh yeah, I'm going to ATTACK you alright. I'm going to attack you the politically CORRECT way!" Mz. Icy shouted triumphantly. 

"...What?" Cell asked after a moment's pause. 

"The government of H.E.L.L. entrusted ME to take care of these kids. Granted, I didn't do it by choice but here I am anyway. But what I'm trying to say here, is that legally these kids are MINE. You get that? MINE. I am their legal guardian. Not YOU. ME. Papers and everything. Which means if you attempt take them away from me without my consent, you are KIDNAPPING them. And you know where that'll land YOU?" Mz. Icy laughed triumphantly. 

"Right back in imprisonment Cell," Frieza answered in alarm. "And that means ME too! Damn it Cell! If you do _anything, ANYTHING..._" 

"You'll _what?!_" Cell shouted angrily at Frieza. But he did get the point. 

"Now listen up," said Mz. Icy, somewhat calmer, her manner demanding attention from all members present. "Listen up, I'm willing to concede. You can have your kids-but ONLY if you be nice, and don't bug me on the this ENTIRE trip. Okay? And Nucleus will help me out with all the legal junk like the good little brainiac he is, and then, after all _that_ is done, and me and Queenie are divorced, we, meaning I, can sign custody back over to you. And then you can take your kids, leave, and we can all live happily ever after. And I can kill Pinky. Sounds all good?" 

Cell narrowed his eyes in thought while Frieza fumed. He had to admit, it seemed the best course of action to take. All he had to do was be _patient_, and Kami knew if it was one thing he did well, it was being patient... of course luckily, he did many things quite well, being perfect was quite a wonderful experience. 

"Alright, but I want to take the shortest route as possible. I really don't want to hang around YOU for any length of time," Cell reluctantly agreed. 

"Fine by me, I want to be divorced as soon as possible here, so the sooner we get to Lord Enma, the better we're all off," Mz. Icy agreed, nodding her head once. 

"Same here," Frieza also agreed, possibly the only time he would EVER agree with Mz. Icy. 

"I still get my ice cream, right?" Nucleus asked worriedly. 

"Yeah, I'm the kind of gal who keeps her promises, kid," Mz. Icy shrugged in response. 

"Alright then," Nucleus responded in relief. 

A silence spread over the group. 

"Well," Frieza said, reluctantly braking the stoned silence, "I guess this means we're flying." 

"No! No flying!" Mz. Icy said suddenly, a panicked undertone present. 

"Why?" Cell asked in annoyance. "BECAUSE, I don't want to. Flying isn't... uh, fashionable!" Mz. Icy grinned and laughed nervously. "You know me, I only do the trendy!" 

"What-how the heck is flying not _fashionable?_ And how can flying even be _considered_ like that anyway?" Cell demanded angrily. 

"Um, Dad, maybe you should just lay off a bit," Nucleus said nervously, knowing _exactly_ why flying wasn't considered fashionable, and wishing to steer away from the subject. 

"No! I want to know exactly how this _ice-jin_ can get it into her head, that-" Cell began to state. 

"Oh, Kami. NOW I remember..." Frieza suddenly groaned. 

"Nah, you don't remember," Mz. Icy grinned nervously. "I'm sure it's just one of those little fantasies again, you know, like-" 

"Shut up," Frieza stated bluntly. "I remember exactly why you don't like to fly." 

"Why?" Cell asked curiously. 

"She's afraid of heights!" Frieza accused, a slight smirk crossing his lips as he turned to look at Mz. Icy. 

"Heights? _Heights?! That's_ why we've been through all this?! Because she's afraid of _heights?!_" Cell asked angrily, his voice raising a little each time. 

"HEY! It's a perfectly acceptable phobia!" Mz. Icy growled. "There are plenty of worse ones I could have you know!" 

"Like _what?_ Frieza asked in a incredulous tone. 

"Like-like arachnophobia! Better to be afraid of the air, than afraid of a bug," Mz. Icy stated triumphantly. 

"That, is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of," Frieza stated back giving a loud sniff. 

"Plus a spider is an arachnid, not a bug," Nucleus added informatively. 

"Traitor," Mz. Icy muttered, giving Nucleus a poisonous glare. 

Suddenly, before anyone could go on, a tiny white blur shot into the middle of the half-circle. A tiny, white _cursing_ blur. 

Frieza looked at the weak spirit in disgust. "Oh, just go away. We don't need _you_ to deal with right now." The spirit squeaked in angry tones and Frieza looked furious as he began to power up, ready to blow something up after all the days mishaps. Mz. Icy hit him in the arm. 

"Cool off, Pink-boy. We don't need trouble. Now _what?_" Mz. Icy asked as she looked at the white puffy, and very, very angry cloud. 

The cloud squeaked angrily. Mz. Icy nodded. "Yeah okay, so that was _your_ semi." 

The cloud squawked. 

"Yeah, that was our jeep. Wouldn't be sitting here if it wasn't," Mz. Icy nodded. She listened to the cloud and snorted. "Damages? You want us to pay for damages and the loss of your cargo? No can do pal. I don't have any money as it is. And even if I did pal, I sure wouldn't want to spend it on your _truck_." 

With that, the tiny cloud burst into a frenzy of squeaks and squeals, each representing some form of curse, insult, or threat against Mz. Icy. 

"Geez man, no need to go postal," Mz. Icy snorted, not impressed. 

The tiny cloud made a series of ill-mannered squawks. 

"_Kill_ me? Okay, and how are you going to achieve _that?_ I'M ALREADY DEAD!" Mz. Icy yelled. She listened to the cloud and raised her eyebrow. "Just like _who_ killed Pikkon? I hated that guy just as much as the next person-he was _constantly_ hitting on me uggh-but wasn't he already _dead?_"

The tiny cloud squealed angrily. 

"Okay, okay. So let me get this straight, this Breezy person, came sweeping in, snuck a bomb in Pikkon's gi, and blew the guy to kingdom come." 

The cloud made a nodding motion. 

"And he _died?_" 

The cloud nodded again. 

"As in no longer around. Disappeared. Did not pass go. Did not collect $200. Gone. Wiped out. Is history. Just was no longer any part of the spirit world?" 

The cloud nodded once more, adding some squeaks and squeals. 

"Huh, impressive," Mz. Icy whistled, "I always did wonder where he went after that one time." 

The cloud nodded excitedly, adding some squawks. 

"Just like when she snuck a bomb in _who's_ spandex??" Mz. Icy asked incredulously. 

The cloud repeated the part. 

"_Vegeta's??_" she whistled again. 

The cloud nodded. 

"Where _would_ you stick a bomb in Vegeta's spandex?" Frieza wondered. 

"Oh, like _you_ wouldn't know," Mz. Icy muttered. 

"KAMI! Can you just PLEASE get off my back about that?!" Frieza shouted in frustration. 

"I'll think about it... when you 'fess up about MURDERING ME!" Mz. Icy shouted angrily as she took a menacing step in Frieza's direction. 

"I'M TELLING YOU, I. DIDN'T. _DO_ IT!!" Frieza screamed back in her direction. 

"Yeah WHATEVER you lying, _GAY_, bastard!" Mz. Icy yelled. 

"_FOR THE LAST TIME DAMN IT! I'M NOT GAY!_" Frieza screeched, violet-colored lightning bolts beginning to erupt from his body. They only served to accent the green ones Mz. Icy was putting out in her own rage. 

"Hey! Can we get a handle out here?" Cell yelled angrily, quite frustrated of having to put up with these _ice-jin_. 

"SHUT UP!" both Frieza and Mz. Icy yelled angrily, as they turned towards Cell. Both their lightning bolts shot towards Cell in their anger as well, but luckily, Cell was much more agile than either of the two and easily jumped out of the way. 

The tiny white cloud right behind him however, was not.

"Oh no..." Cell muttered as he looked at the singed and screaming spirit. Luckily, since it was already dead, there was no need to worry about whether or not it would survive, however death did not mingle in with pain factor. 

Frieza and Mz. Icy both forgot about their argument almost instantly as the crying cloud's wails interrupted their battle. Mz. Icy looked worried as she walked cautiously up to the cloud. 

"Uh, hey. Real sorry about that, is was an-" Mz. Icy was interrupted by the cloud's shouted obscenities, which obviously took Mz. Icy by surprise. "Hey, c'mon! There's no need to tell the authorities! We didn't mean to-" the cloud produced a single lightning bolt which hit Mz. Icy smack in the face, and raged off speedily into the distance, fairly quick for a cloud. Mz. Icy rubbed her nose where the lightning bolt had stung her, and looked accusingly at Frieza. "This is all YOUR fault you know," she shouted angrily. 

"WHAT! You were the one who called me gay!" Frieza responded furiously. 

"Yeah? Well YOU KILLED ME!" Mz. Icy yelled back. 

"I _TOLD_ you! I didn't DO it!" Frieza yelled. 

"_SHUT UP!_" Cell yelled as loudly as he could. Immediately there was silence. Cell blinked, and calmed himself, looking sternly at the ice-jin couple. "Now listen. I did NOT come all the way out here to watch you two mess up my one chance to get out of hell with your incessant arguing. So please, shut up. Now that little rain cloud, what did it say about the authorities?" 

Mz. Icy gritted her teeth. "That little _tattle-_ of a cloud is going to go tell whatever demon he can get about how he got zapped by some, uh, he was a a tad _colorful_ at this point, but anyway, he's going to tell on us! And even though it was REALLY Baldy's fault-" 

"Oh, so NOW you're going to attack my hereditary GENES aren't you??" Frieza interjected angrily. 

"-_I_ happened to be at the scene of the crime. You know what that _means??!_" Mz. Icy shrieked. 

"Do tell," Cell responded dryly. 

"They are going to blame ME, partially. Since it wasn't really my fault. But that's ALL it takes man! I'm on probation! All I need is one strike! I DON'T WANT THAT STRIKE DAMNIT!" Mz. Icy shouted in a panicked voice. 

"I share your sentiments," Cell said very calmly as he squinted his eyes in the direction of the tiny white spirit. "Well, then what we need to do, is shut him up." 

Mz. Icy blinked, and then looked at Cell incredulously. "Hey, this isn't the world of the Living you know. This is H.E.L.L.. And we aren't that Breezy-person, you know." 

"Did I _say_ KILL him? Did I? Because I thought I said _shut him up._ Believe me, when I want to kill someone. I'll _say_ it. Now what can we do, to bribe a weak, little spirit? Or as least scare him enough to never go to the authorities?" Cell asked, looking at Mz. Icy in disgust. 

"Heh? Oh, well uh. Money. Yeah, that's what would probably shut me up," Mz. Icy said, looking rather thoughtful. 

"Mz. Icy, that's really shallow," Nucleus snorted.

"Well that's what happens when you _are_ a really shallow person," Frieza muttered in annoyance. 

"So WHAT? So what if I would keep my mouth shut for a few bucks? It's a win-win situation! I get money, the poor sucker who I caught doesn't have to worry. I mean, when you think about it, you really can't go wrong if you have money," Mz. Icy protested angrily. 

"I wouldn't know. I don't need it, and I never had. Perfect people don't need to deal with such petty things as money," Cell smirked as he folded his arms onto his chest. 

"Oh yeah? How would you know? You're dead. And you're saying money wouldn't have helped you in any way at all?" Mz. Icy asked. 

"Damned sure," Cell responded. Mz. Icy snorted. 

"Yeah, suuuure you are," she smirked. 

"Hey? If we're supposed to bribe this guy, what are we going to do it with? I mean, we don't have any money! Dad doesn't have any money. And _I_ don't have any money," Nucleus began to state, trying to keep the group on track. He really felt he needn't be concerned with getting to Lord Enma's temple quickly, he had no immediate problems with anybody, however, this business with a small, white cloud worried him. If Mz. Icy went to jail, and _Cell_ went to jail, who was going to take care of him and his brothers? "Wait, how about-" 

"I don't have any money. Besides, I don't think H.E.L.L. would take ice-jin currency anyway," Frieza sighed as he crossed his death-white arms, looking resigned. 

"Actually, you would be surprised how flexible H.E.L.L. can be," Mz. Icy interjected, looking thoughtful.. 

"Yeah, and Mz. Icy just said she doesn't have any money either, so-" Nucleus began to add. 

"-That's not necessarily true," Frieza interrupted, an arrogant grin on his face. "No, not necessarily..." 

"What do you mean by _that?_" Mz. Icy asked suspiciously, Frieza simply grinned at her. 

"Now if _I_ know Mz. Icy at all-which is not really all that hard considering she is a fairly shallow person-she is totally and utterly greedy. And she would never, _ever_ go anywhere or do anything without a few dollars in my pocket. Am I right?" Frieza asked, glancing at Nucleus. 

"Yeah, pretty much," Nucleus admitted, looking thoughtful. 

"Hey!" Mz. Icy protested hurtfully. 

"So therefore, she's got to have some money stashed away somewhere. Now where is it? Cough it up MRS.," Frieza demanded, holding out is hand. 

"I don't got a _dime!_" Mz. Icy denied. 

Frieza grinned. "Well then what's _this?_" he asked as he suddenly reached into the remains of the wreckage, dug around for a bit, and pulled out a strange, opaque, plastic bag. The same one with which he had been fiddling with before Mz. Icy had accidentally rammed the semi. 

Mz. Icy looked shocked, and if possible turned a paler shade of white. Of which was followed by a deep shade of lavender. "You little-little _shrimp!_ You put that back!" she yelled angrily.

"Ooo, now why would I want to do that? What could POSSIBLY be that important, that you would ask me to put a strange, opaque, plastic bag back into a burning wreckage? Hm, let's just see," Frieza mocked as he began pulling open the bag. 

"You give that back RIGHT NOW!" Mz. Icy screeched as she ran over to the spot in which Frieza was standing, intent on taking back the bag. Frieza laughed and jumped into the air with the bag, floating up to about fifteen feet in order to keep out of Mz. Icy's reach. Not to say that she didn't try. 

"You CREEP! Give it back! If you don't give it back _now_ I am going to-" Mz. Icy yelled angrily. 

"You're going to _what?_ Come up and get me? And how do you propose to do that? _Fly?_" Frieza laughed arrogantly. "Now about this bag, what could _possibly_ be inside it...?" Frieza muttered comically as he opened the bag. "Oh my! I would never have thought! _It's a giant bag full of MONEY!_" Frieza shouted as he pulled out a giant handful of bills. 

"You were holding _back_ on us?!" Cell asked angrily. 

"Uh..." Mz. Icy said as she tried to search for something soothing to say, finally she just gave up and returned to yelling at Frieza. "Freiza! Come down here RIGHT NOW and maybe I'll think about not beating the dead CRAP out of you! _You can't stay up there FOREVER!_" 

"Okay now, listen to me _dear,_" Frieza hissed as he finally stopped taunting Mz. Icy. "We need this money to shut that little _cloud_ up. And we're going to use it while you like it or not. I mean, what's better, losing the money, or going to _prison?_" 

Mz. Icy looked thoughtful. 

"It really shouldn't be that hard of a choice," Frieza said, looking exasperated. 

"Okay, okay. You're making some sense here, but I'm not going to do it because I _like_ it!" Mz. Icy finally agreed with a sigh. 

"Fine by me! Now let's _go_ already!" Cell butted in as he floated into the air, Nucleus following suit. 

"Wait! We're going to _fly?!_ Uh-uh, no WAY! You ain't getting me up _there!_" Mz. Icy stated, her eyes widening as she noticed Cell and Nucleus already turning to leave. 

"Damn it, not _this_ again... what is so _utterly_ wrong with _flying?_" Cell sighed in annoyance. 

"Well let's see... you're in the air, high up in the air, the _thin_ air, with no supports, no ground underneath your feet, just YOU in the AIR-" 

"Get to the point," Cell growled. 

"Do you know how easy it would be to FALL, from up in the air? And how easy it would be to DIE??" Mz. Icy squawked. Cell blinked. 

"No, not really," he said, blinking again. "I don't see why it should worry any decent ki user however. Especially a _dead_ one. Flying should be just like breathing. It's _natural_." 

"No, _walking_ is natural, that's why we have legs. _Eating_ is natural, that's why we have stomachs. _FLYING_ is not natural. We do not have wings-" Mz. Icy blinked as she noticed the two large, black wings sprouting from both Cell's and Nucleus' backs. "-ice-jin don't have wings. No ice-jin has any business in the air. NONE." 

"Have you ever actually _tried?!_" Cell yelled angrily. 

"Yes, yes I have. It was not fun. It was damned _scary_. I don't care how many people say it. Flying is scary. It's not fun. Not in the least bit," Mz. Icy shivered. 

"But you _can_ fly? Right?" Cell dug, looking at Mz. Icy with narrowed eyes. 

"Yeah, I can _do_ it, sorta..." Mz. Icy conceded reluctantly. "But whenever I do-" 

"That's good enough!" Cell shouted as he swooped down to grab Mz. Icy. Mz. Icy shrieked as she was suddenly high up in the dreaded AIR. 

"AAAAAAAAHHHH! GOOD GOD I'M GONNA DIIIIEEE!!!" Mz. Icy screamed. 

"You're already dead so you can stop your whining!" Cell yelled angrily and rather exasperatingly. 

"Watch out for her tail!" Frieza yelled with a malicious grin on his face as he followed the quickly ascending green cockroach. 

"What-" Cell began to shout back as suddenly, Mz Icy's tail which had been totally forgotten up to this point by everybody including the author herself, swung around Cell's neck in a death grip. Cell, who was unable to be killed by merely being suffocated, and was of course, already dead to began with, didn't really need to worry about the powerfully muscled tail around his neck, but it was awfully painful. 

"Geh!" Cell squawked as he finally decided he was high enough and stopped. He let go of Mz. Icy, but to his surprise, she did not fall. In fact, the pain around his neck grew even more as Mz. Icy increased her grip on it. He grabbed the thick tail with his hands to try and pull it off, but only succeeded in loosening it. "Get OFF of ME!!" he yelled. 

"Hell no! I'll FALL!" Mz. Icy shrieked, panicking at the sight of so much air underneath her. 

"Damn it, GET OFF!" Cell shouted. 

"NO!" 

"I'll get her off," Frieza sighed as he and Nucleus shot up next to Cell. 

"Wat'cha going to do?" Nucleus asked curiously. 

"Watch," Frieza told him. "Now SWEETY, this isn't going to hurt. And for once I actually mean it." With that he swung himself upside-down and began to tickle Mz. Icy's stomach. Mz. Icy jerked. 

"Heh-HEH! HEH! Hahha*giggle* You Jerk! Hahha! Stop *giggle* tickling me!" Mz. Icy managed to choke out through her laughter. Her tail's grip around Cell's neck began to loosen. Immediately, Cell took advantage of the momentary weakness and tore the tail off his neck. 

"Alright, I'm done," Frieza said as he stopped tickling Mz. Icy and flipped right side-up again. For a moment there was silence as they sat there, floating in the sky. Cell held Mz. Icy upside-down by the tail, rubbing his neck in relief. 

"You better not be thinking what I think you're thinking!" Mz. Icy screeched as she struggled to look up at Cell in a mixture of rage and terror.

"Now what could that _possibly_ be?" Cell grinned maliciously. 

"That you're going to let me-" that was as far as Mz. Icy got before Cell suddenly let go of Mz. Icy's tail. "FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" she screamed. 

Cell, Nucleus, and Frieza watched her calmly as she fell, screaming very loudly along the way. 

"Um, she's going to start flying before she reaches the ground, right?" Nucleus asked nervously. 

"Yes, flying _is_ partially instinctive you know," Cell told him confidently. 

"Not that it would be any loss if she didn't," Frieza muttered. 

A sudden whining noise signaled Mz. Icy's ki usage as the rest of the group looked down and watched her slowing descent. 

"See. I told you," Cell said to Nucleus. 

"Ah," Nucleus responded, nodding. 

Suddenly, a loud explosion came from below as Mz. Icy suddenly started to shoot up towards the super-villains. 

"Huh, not bad for someone who's never really flown before," Cell remarked as he crossed his arms across his chest. 

Nucleus also crossed his arms. "Yeah, but she might want to slow down now. She's going to pass us at that rate. What's with all that screaming though?" 

"Yes, I've been wondering about that..." Cell agreed, staring down at the shrieking Mz. Icy.

"You know, this rings a bell," Frieza muttered, trying to remember something he'd forgotten after many happy years without Mz. Icy. 

Nucleus' eyes widened. "I don't think she's trying to slow Dad!" he said as he looked at Cell. 

"You know what, I don't think she's trying to slow either..." 

"Oh, now I remember..." as suddenly that missing bit of information dawned upon Frieza. 

"SCATTER!" Cell suddenly shouted as he grabbed Nucleus and shot out of the way. Mz. Icy suddenly blasted straight through the spot where the three had been floating, clipping Frieza in the process. However, considering how she was shrieking, it was probably more an accident than a deliberate hit. 

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! KAMI! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" she screamed as she shot straight up, about three-hundred more yards up and she suddenly shot directly to her right, than down, than to her side again... and than up... and down... and up some more... 

"What's THIS all about??" Cell asked as he stared at the frantic, directionless flying Mz. Icy was performing. 

"It took me a moment to remember, but it seems her power is a bit... jerky. When she flies, she can't control her power fluctuation so she can't control her flight or speed. That's why she's afraid of flying, right?" Frieza asked as he looked over at Nucleus. Nucleus nodded.

"Yeah, exactly why. We found out when we flew away that one time we stole her, um, well we stole some _stuff_ from her. We really did expect her to come up after us," Nucleus nodded in acknowledgment. 

"So, she couldn't stop you?" Cell asked hopefully. 

"Oh, no. Then she started firing ki-blasts at us. We dodged most of them," Nucleus shrugged. 

"Obnoxious witch," Cell growled, his eyes narrowing in rage. 

"Hey, if I can deal with her, so can you _son_," Frieza said in annoyance. 

"Where'd she go?" Nucleus suddenly asked, squinting into the distance, apparently Mz. Icy had gone in one direction long enough to go out of sight. 

"Off in that direction," Cell sensed, pointing in the direction she had been going. He looked thoughtful before adding, "Well, at least she went in the same direction as that weakling spirit." 

"Well then let's catch up with her!" Nucleus said, eager to be going, he blasted off in the direction of Mz. Icy. 

Cell watched his son for a moment before glancing back at Frieza. "Ready _Dad?_" he asked. 

Frieza snorted. "Ready when you are _son._" 

With that, they both blasted off.. 

_TO BE CONTINUED…_

* * *

Aighty, and so another chapter comes to an end. You know, going back and reading through the entire story, I realize I have quite improved in my writing skills over the last year… or at least my style has improved. Learning even rudimentary HTML is a real help. I might just go back and touch up the first few chapters with it. Nothing would really change, just style and spelling errors. I'm afraid it might repel readers in search of a really good story. This is a really good story (or so I'm told), I DON'T WANT TO SCARE AWAY READERS JUST BECAUSE THE FIRST FEW CHAPS LOOK LIKE A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD DID THEM!!! *blinks* 

Okay then, anyway, like I said, I'm going to be trying harder on this fic. My grade in Anatomy finally reached a C, and I now don't have a whole lot of academic problems to deal with. This makes me happy. And when I'm happy, I write better. I'm able to think better. I do have three stories going on now though (the third one is not quite up yet, but it's Animorphs anyway so you probably won't care), so I'm getting down a rotation. It's up in my bio, which includes several fun facts, such as my sex, age, and interests. You should read them. That way nobody will think of me as a guy. There is a story behind that. One I do not really want to talk about… *blinks* Okay, I'm out of here, till the next time! 

_T.B. Stormshot-Female and lovin' it._


	9. Part 9

**WHEN BAD GUYS PLAY BY THE RULES **   
>_But only when it suits them..._

By: T.B. Stormshot... yes... I'm back... 

Disclaimer: ... ... ... What? _WHAT?!_ I'll give you my lousy excuses after the chap, but for now, I DON'T OWN DBZ! But I bet none of you do either so HAH! 

* * *

Mz. Icy was a mix of complete terror and all-consuming rage. A _flying_ mix of complete terror and all-consuming rage. A completely OUT-OF-CONTROL, flying mix of complete terror and rage. Mz. Icy hated flying. She really did. She also really hated Frieza. And, as a new addition to her black-list, she now felt complete and utter hatred for Cell. And technically speaking, Cell was her _step-son_. Which was a really scary thought. Luckily though, that would be completely void once she was officially divorced. And she would be soon... _if she could get back on the ground._

Speaking of the ground... 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! AHH! AHH! AH! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Mz. Icy screeched as she spun erratically through the air. She tried in vain to gain control of her pattern but it was all in vain as the tiny, somewhat more rational part of her mind kept trying to tell her. The somewhat larger, somewhat less rational part of her mind told it to shut the hell up as she kept trying to gain control anyway. Suddenly, Mz. Icy jolted into a mid-air stop. Mz. Icy blinked, and looked around. Up. Side to side. Down. Bad idea to look down Mz. Icy immediately learned. She was at least a quarter of a mile up. _Very_ bad idea to look down. Mz. Icy then growled. "I'm going to KILL them. I'M GOING TO _KILL_ THEM!" she managed to say, right before the scrambled pattern of her ki kicked in and sent her flying sideways. 

  
  
Meanwhile... down on the _very_ safe ground... 

"So... what now?" Burter asked Jeice as they floated over a large, bloody-red river (bloody in the literal sense and not as just one of those weird British slang terms). They had just spent the last 5 minutes speeding away from the nursery, the not-so-innocent Cell Juniors, and the poor and unfortunate Guldo. The fate which Guldo was doomed to being of course, there own fault. Not that they actually cared of course. As far as they were concerned, Guldo was simply an over-eyeballed weakling who's only real powers were minor dabbling in telekinesis and the ability to stop time-and not very well at that. Rumor had it that Guldo was actually a distant relative of Captain Ginyu's related not by blood, but by some unfortunate marriage in the past and Captain Ginyu had only allowed him on the team to pay off some favor. Though it was only an unconfirmed rumor, it was true that most rumors and stories started out with some vestige of truth. 

"I don't know," Jeice shrugged. Ditching Guldo had been as far as he had gotten in his plan. "What do you want to do?" he asked. 

"Well... I don't know," Burter blinked. 

"Weren't you hungry or something like that?" Jeice asked, cocking his red-orange head to one side and brushing his lush white hair back with a swipe of his finely-manicured hand. On cue, Burter's stomach growled viciously. 

"Oh yeah. Yeah I am now that you mentioned it. Let's go find that taco stand!" Burter said with a nod, rubbing his blue bulbous neck with a not so well-manicured hand. He then prepared to blast off into the wild blue yonder. However, before he could, Jeice stopped him with one of those well-manicured hands on his shoulder. 

"Just one thing," Jeice said. 

"What?" Burter asked in annoyance. 

"I hate tacos." 

"You know what? You're an idiot," Burter told Jeice very calmly before taking off. Jeice followed. 

  
  
Mz. Icy landed. Actually, to be technical, she crashed harshly into a one-story building with a clay-shingled roof. She then proceeded to go through the roof and into the building, which proved to be some sort of restaurant or cafe of some kind. 

Mz. Icy struggled to get up from the pile of dust and broken shingles, while the roof and a low-legged table combined had softened her fall, she had not come out unscathed and had suffered quite a few bumps to the head and possibly a minor concussion. As Mz. Icy struggled to her feet, dizzily stumbling a few steps forward, she looked around instinctively at her surroundings. Yes, it was a restaurant or cafe of some kind. It sported several short-legged tables like the one she had fallen on, the type you kneel at, and a bar table with several tall chairs which contrasted sharply with the low tables. Even in her half-unconscious state she betted nobody kneeled at the tables in favor of the taller chairs. The restaurant or cafe had some sort of tropical, jungle theme supported by bamboo covered walls and tropical flowers, which was an interesting choice considering this WAS _H.E.L.L._ and all. (In H.E.L.L. it's rare to see a themed restaurant, or even a clean restaurant for that matter) Also, seemingly to complete the look, some sort of tropical bird was sitting on a perch near the bar table. 

As if sensing Mz. Icy's notice of it, the bird squawked once and spoke a memorized phrase. "Welcome to Zarbon's Cafe and Herbal Remedies. Enjoy your stay at the best tea shop in H.E.L.L.!" Mz. Icy groaned. 

On cue, a familiar green-haired entity came in from a back room. 

"Oh my Kam-Princess Icy!" said the shocked alien. 

Mz. Icy groaned again and stumbled to one side as she fought for consciousness. "Zarbon... you realize this is the _only_ coffee shop in H.E.L.L... right?" Mz. Icy said weakly. 

Zarbon shrugged lightly. "Well then it really is the best, isn't it? And we don't sell coffee here, it has too much caffeine and it rots your teeth." 

Mz. Icy groaned for the third time and stumbled forward to slump against the bar table by Zarbon. She looked upwards. "I could _kill_ you right now..." 

"I'm sure you could. How about after you go lie down on that couch over there and rest for a minute or two?" 

Mz. Icy blinked blurredly and seemed to lose concentration for a moment before nodding her head painfully. "Yeah, okay," she said before blacking out and slumping off the bar table. 

  
Meanwhile... 

  
A reasonably long way a ways from Mz. Icy, Frieza, Cell, the others, and their crazy antics... in a dark, secret place where very few people ever go and the red fern never grows... 

"S-Sir! We have reports of Princess Icy's whereabouts!" said a small nervous demon as he crept into the undisclosed location the author was describing. This particular demon was actually part of a governmental policing program in H.E.L.L. in which he was merely an assistant to the assistant. Naturally, this job did not pay much, however, the information he handled every day, once in a while held quite a bit of importance to certain other people... people who were not of governmental origins. These certain people would sometimes pay large amounts of money for these detailed tidbits-and if this particular demon needed to pay the bills somehow, who could fault him? 

A shadowy figure swirled around at once in hearing these words, words he had hoped to hear for a very long time... "Really? Where is she? Why'd it take so long to find her?" 

"Yes, yes! We've found her! And I've already explained to you why it sometimes takes a while to find these pension cases, the information is always kept under lock and key because of security issues. However, some NEW reports have circled in since then that hint where she might be-" 

"I don't care about any of that! Just tell me _where she is!_" the shadowy figure roared angrily. A wave of hot energy rolled off the figure and blasted towards the lowly demon, who yelped at the sudden pain and leaped backwards to avoid anymore. 

"Okay! Okay! She was reported to be abandoning her job to go see Lord Enma for some reason-the reason hasn't been disclosed yet. A demon had been keeping check on a group of recently released villains when he spotted the infraction and-" the small demon begin to explain. 

"Don't give me the minor details, just the facts, man! I want you to tell me exactly where she was spotted and when. If she's going to Lord Enma's that will give me some direction just as long as I know where she is..." the shadowy figure spat angrily, eyes narrowing in hatred and unknown contempt for the female ice-jin. The demon nodded and begin to explain. The shadowy figure couldn't help but split a menacing grin when thinking of how close he was to finding that wretched Princess Icy. _Soon, Princess Icy,_ the figure thought, _Soon it won't be just a dream. It will be reality, and I will finally have you in my claws..._

  
  
"Here Princess Icy, drink this," Zarbon said as he handed the half-conscious Mz. Icy a teacup of a dark green liquid. Mz. Icy looked suspiciously at it. 

"You know Zarbon, you can only kill someone once, ...or supposedly, that Pikkon issue brings up some.." Mz. Icy drifted off as she slumped weakly against the large comfortable couch done in light brown whicker and green cushions. 

"What are you talking about? It's just tea, it's an _aspecially_ unique blend and it will help you feel better if you give it a chance," Zarbon frowned. 

"Ehhhh..." Mz. Icy simply groaned before taking the cup. "Well, I guess you can't poison me again now that I'm already dead and all..." She sipped the tea suspiciously. She then blinked and sat up. "Some tea!" She looked down at herself and rubbed her head to feel for any bumps. "There's not a scratch on me, the TEA did that? Wow." 

"You like it then?" Zarbon asked eagerly 

"No, it tastes like crap. Poisonous crap. But stuff that's good for you tends to be that way. Unless it really _is_ poisonous crap I suppose..." Mz. Icy mused over this point before blinking and looking back at Zarbon. "So what is it?" 

Zarbon frowned at Mz. Icy's description of tea, but shrugged it off almost instantly. Mz. Icy was only being perfectly honest and anyway, the tea was meant to heal people, not to be a tasty treat. "I made the recipe myself. It's called _Senzu Special Spirit Sensation_. You know, great for the soul and all." 

"... That's weird," Mz. Icy said after a moment's pause. She then paused again. "... And now, since I can't kill you, I'm going to hurt you very badly. And then, once I stuff some of this Senzu Special _whatever_ down your throat, I'M GOING TO DO IT AGAIN." 

"Uh, can I ask _why?_" Zarbon asked with a frown. 

"Well DUH! Hello? H.E.L.L. to ZARBON! YOU POISONED ME WITH YOUR STUPID TEA AND _MURDERED_ ME!" Mz. Icy screeched angrily. "WHY ELSE WOULD I BE PISSED OFF WITH YOU?!" 

Zarbon took a step back at the biting remark and proceeded to look offended. "I did not! Why would I do anything like _that?!_" 

"Uh, I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE BECAUSE THAT BASTARD _FRIEZA_ TOLD YOU TO CONSIDERING YOU WERE HIS _RIGHT-HAND MAN???!_ HONESTLY Zarbon! I thought of all the people in that whole damned fortress _you_ were the one I could trust! I thought we FRIENDS! I THOUGHT WE UNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER FOR KAMI'S SAKE!" And for once in her lifetime, shocking audiences and readers everywhere, giving avid Drinking Gamer's an entire chug of their preferred drink... Mz. Icy looked very hurt by Zarbon's betrayal. 

"But I _DIDN'T!!_ HONESTLY! I really didn't! Of course we were friends! And we really did understand each other! I mean, who else would _I_ have to talk to if I really did murder you? I mean, Master Frieza never _got_ it, and I spent most of my time trying to _avoid_ Dodoria..." Zarbon gave a mild shudder at his own mentioning of the pink blob with the eternal case of acne. "Really! I should be the one angry with you! How can you even SUSPECT me??! I thought _we_ were friends!" 

Mz. Icy blinked and thought about this for a moment, biting her lip slightly. "Well... I just... I guess I just thought who else could have access to the tea in order to poison it. I mean, how many people could _possibly_-" 

"More than you think," Zarbon interrupted with a snort. "If a _servant_ who brings your tea to you has access to it, how hard could it possibly be for anyone of REAL status to get access to it? _Honestly_. How many years have gone by without figuring THAT out for yourself?" Mz. Icy shrugged. 

"I guess that's a valid point towards your innocence. Okay, I'm sorry Zarbon, for feeling seething hatred for you all these years. I guess through my own blind craving for vengeance and blood, I never stopped to think that it could have been anyone else but you. I'm sorry Zarbon, can you... can you ever forgive me?" Mz. Icy asked hopefully as she stood up to get a better look up at the tall Zarbon. 

Zarbon looked at Mz. Icy angrily for another moment before his expression softened and a forgiving look took its place. He bent down so that he could actually stare into Mz. Icy's light violet eyes with his own piercing blue ones. "Of... of course I can Princess Icy. After all, how can I hate someone that I've grown to love?" 

In that moment both of them lost the sharper edge they used with the rest of the world and embraced for a long moment. They had not seen each other for years, but the feelings they had for each other had never really wavered, even when Mz. Icy had thought Zarbon had murdered her. The feelings had only been put away in a deep and dark place inside Mz. Icy, one so that she could go on hating Zarbon even when she really didn't. A place so that she didn't feel so betrayed, so that she couldn't feel the pain encompassing such a great betrayal from a loved one. But once that feeling of betrayal was eradicated, the feelings came rushing back. They still loved each other. Mz. Icy still loved him. 

"You know Zarbon. We would make a really great couple, you and me. You know, if you weren't gay and all," Mz. Icy sniffed as they finally let go of each other. 

Yeah, Mz. Icy still loved him. In a sisterly way. 

  
  
Guldo hesitated before entering the nursery, wondering if maybe he really wasn't brave enough to distract the Cell Juniors. After all, even if what they said about him being a fat, green, over-eyeballed weakling was hurtful, it didn't mean it wasn't true. Guldo then blinked and shook his head to rid himself of his fear. "C'mon Guldo," he muttered to himself, "You're part of the all-powerful Ginyu Force! The Ginyu Force isn't ALLOWED to think negatively." With that thought in mind, he stepped into the nursery. 

And immediately sunk 3 feet into the piles of broken toys in various stages of decay. 

  
  
"So after you died, you decided to settle down and open up a cafe?" Mz. Icy asked as she settled back in a tall-legged chair with a cup of tea. 

"Well, not right away, and it was a bit harder than how you put it, but basically... yes," Zarbon shrugged. He pushed back his lush green hair as he crossed his legs on the tall-backed chair he was sitting in. 

"Huh," Mz. Icy replied. 

"But what are _you_ doing here? I always assumed that you would make it up to Heaven, you didn't seem like a bad person to me," Zarbon commented as he sipped his tea, he looked up from him expectantly. 

Mz. Icy snorted. "Zarbon, considering you were evil enough to enslave entire planets and so on, I would think your evil barometer would be a tad... distorted. You thought that child abusers and rapists were wusses." 

"I DID NOT!" Zarbon snapped angrily. "I said that child abusers and rapists were just sad, sad people with very little self-esteem or respect. I then said that they only did what they did to make themselves feel big and the only reason they do it over and over again was because _it didn't work!_" 

"Yeah, you said they were wusses," Mz. Icy grinned. 

"Now that is just-" 

Just then, the rest of the roof collapsed on top of them. 

"Yeah, she's in here alright," Cell snorted as he floated down into the cafe. He took one glance around the room and snorted. "A cafe? In H.E.L.L.?" 

"*cough* Welcome to Zarbon's Cafe and Herbal Remedies. *coughcough* Enjoy your stay *cough* at the best tea shop in H.E.L.L.! *hackhacksnort*" the parrot in the corner croaked as it coughed in the dust cloud the collapsed ceiling had created. 

"You know. What is it with your grudge with _DOORS?!!_" Mz. Icy screeched as she climbed out of the collapsed tile for the third time that day. 

"Shut up," Cell simply replied. 

"Both of you shut up. We don't have time for this, we have to get that cloud!" Frieza said angrily as he floated inside the cafe. "I've had enough insane ramble to last me... ... ... _Zarbon?!_" 

"Master Frieza, long time, no see," Zarbon coughed as he climbed out of the rubble. 

"Where have you been?" Frieza snapped. "As my second-in-command I EXPECTED you to be there when I died!" Frieza yelled angrily, totally forgetting about Mz. Icy, their mission, the tattle-tale of a cloud, his freak son, his even freakier grandson, and pretty much everything that has to do with this story. 

"Well sir, to be honest I really didn't expect you to die so soon," Zarbon coughed. Frieza opened his mouth, but really couldn't find anything smart to say back at that comment. 

"Well, uh... well even so, you should have at least heard that I was dead at SOME POINT. Why didn't you come looking for me?" Frieza asked in annoyance. 

Zarbon shrugged and looked uncomfortable. "Well, I, I uh... found someone..." he replied nervously. Mz. Icy gasped. 

"No! Really? You found someone? Wow! What great news! Are you married, or dating, or what? I can't believe you didn't tell me!" she began to chatter excitedly with her old pal. 

Zarbon grinned. "Dating right now, but you know, could be... and I would have told you really! I just couldn't FIND you-" 

"Eh, don't worry about it. It's not your fault, I'm just under probation-the government of H.E.L.L. keeps those kinds of files under lock and key," Mz. Icy said with a shrug. 

"Really? Well what did you do?" Zarbon asked in surprise. 

"Well, let's just say I had trouble coming back from the dead to exact my revenge on a certain ice-jin who looks as though he hasn't hit _puberty_ yet, okay?" Mz. Icy coughed. 

"Oh please, like you could even TOUCH me," Frieza snorted. 

"Oh like you would WANT me to you short little GAY-" 

"Hey!" Zarbon said in a hurt voice. Mz. Icy blinked and looked up at him. 

"Nothing personal Zarbon. He just hates it," she said with a shrug. 

"Nothing... personal?" Frieza asked with a raise of his nonexistant eyebrow. 

Mz. Icy blinked, and then it dawned on her. "Aw, it's nothing to worry about _Frie-_" 

"-No, really. Nothing _personal?_ What that supposed to IMPLY Zarbon?" Frieza asked suspiciously as he stared intensely at his second-in-command. 

"Well, I... uh..." Zarbon stammered. 

Suddenly the door slammed. 

"Zarbon honey, I'm home. The super market was out of soy milk but I picked up this soy bean milk substitute-I don't know how it is, but we can try it-KAMI! What happened in here?!" shout a young blond-haired, human man as he came through the entry way with his arms full of groceries. He promptly dropped them at the sight of the mess inside the room. "And who are these people? You didn't say we were going to have company!" 

"Um, well, you could just say they dropped in for a surprise visit," Zarbon giggled nervously. 

Frieza's eyes lit up at that instant as he realized what Mz. Icy had been implying. "Oh Kami... it all makes sense now..." he said in a low, fairly shocked voice. 

"So, is this who I think he is?" Mz. Icy asked with a grin. 

"Um, yes. Um, Everybody, this is Blue-" Zarbon began. 

"KAMI! _It all makes sense now!_" Frieza repeated, his shock beginning to be replaced by outrage. 

"Blue... this is, um, Everybody," Zarbon ended nervously. Frieza's reaction was not settling. 

"_DAMN IT! NO WONDER EVERYBODY THOUGHT I WAS GAY!!_", Frieza shrieked, much like a little girl, but not quite as innocent. 

"Um, sire! L-lord Frieza! Please!" Zarbon replied shrilly. 

"ZARBON! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! ALL MY LIFE I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CONVINCE PEOPLE THAT I'M _STRAIGHT_-" 

"I know sire, but-" 

"HOW LONG HAVE YOU _BEEN_ GAY?! DID EVERYBODY KNOW?! DID EVERYBODY?! KAMI!" Frieza turned to Mz. Icy. "HOW LONG HAVE _YOU_ KNOWN _ICY??!_ DON'T YOU DARE LIE TO ME!" 

Mz. Icy blinked, slightly taken aback. But then she shrugged. "Well, I had my suspicions about five minutes in after I met him... and then after about a week we became good buds and he told me." 

Frieza stared with a gaping, trembling mouth. "You-you mean you've KNOWN the WHOLE _TIME??_ But-But I've know Zarbon my entire LIFE!" 

"Well... geez... it was kind of obvious... I mean, GEEZ FRIEZA! He was wearing JEWLERY!" Mz. Icy replied, slightly exasperated. 

"And those pink leg warmers," Cell added. Up till then he had kept silent, knowing his own intrusion would only lengthen the fight, however, he couldn't help but bring up this most valid point. 

"B-but you just MET him!" Frieza said with a whimper. "How could YOU have known??" 

Cell shrugged and crossed his arms. "Like the female ice-jin said, it was kind of obvious." 

"Oh... oh Kami..." Frieza whimpered as he sat, or more aptly fell down on the bamboo couch, which had luckily survived most of the roof damage. 

"Master Frieza, perhaps you should rest for a few hours, I have a fut-" 

"You keep away from me you deceiving _HOME WRECKER!!_" Frieza yelled angrily, pushing Zarbon away. 

"...home wrecker..." Ms. Icy echoed mildly. 

Frieza jumped up from the couch, full of rage and fury and stomped to the door. "I'm waiting outside! We need to find that cloud now and we don't have time to deal with THIS," he said angrily without looking back. He opened the door, stomped outside, and slammed the door so hard it disintegrated into a pile of ash. However, everyone ignored this as it wasn't exactly a rare occurrence. The replaceable door business was a booming cash cow down in H.E.L.L. 

"Oh kami... I was hoping he would take it a little better," Zarbon sighed unhappily as he scratched the back of his neck. 

"Don't worry Zarbon. He'll get used to the fact that you're gay as soon as he gets used to the fact that he's an idiot," Mz. Icy comforted as she patted him on the shoulder. 

"_I_ think you're all idiots, but Frieza has a point. We can not waste time with this... um, STUFF. I'm going outside, I sent Nucleus up ahead to see if he could catch up with that spirit but I don't think he'll be able to calm it all by himself... or even _bribe_ it all by himself. Hurry up," Cell said as he walked through the empty doorway. Mz. Icy shrugged and turned back to Zarbon and his boyfriend, Blue. 

"So, Blue, right?" Mz. Icy asked. 

"Yes. I take it you're Mz. Icy?" Blue asked back. 

"Yup. You're a lucky guy, Blue. Zarbon's a good guy. Blew up a few too many planets, exterminated more than one too many races of people, sang really really badly... but a good guy all the same," Mz. Icy said with a grin. 

"I don't sing _that_ badly..." Zarbon muttered under his breath. 

"And don't worry about Frieza. He's just in shock. Eventually he'll get over it. And look at it this way, since you're already dead-he can't kill you!" Mz. Icy laughed hysterically while Blue chuckled nervously. 

"So... um, he's a prince you say?" Blue asked as he cocked his blond-haired head to the side. 

"Yeah, he's the Prince of all Ice-jin, Lord of worlds, Captain of the ice-jin military... jazz like that. It's mostly just titles. They don't mean too much," Mz. Icy shrugged. 

"Not all titles!" Zarbon snapped in annoyance. Despite being Mz. Icy's friend and his current stance with Frieza himself-he was still loyal to his lord Frieza. 

"_Mostly_ titles," Mz. Icy shrugged. 

"A captain you say?" Blue repeated, his face visibly brightened. "I used to be a captain on Earth, Captain Blue of the Red-Ribbon Army... of course, we were broken up years ago by that kid Goku..." 

Zarbon sighed. "Blue, if there isn't one good deed done in this universe or a bad guy defeated that doesn't have anything to do with Goku... I swear I'll-I'll go straight." 

"Now don't keep any promises you don't plan to keep Zarbon," Blue frowned. 

_TO BE CONTINUED..._

  
Well... Chap 9... it took me what, a week? Geez... and it's almost April... Okay, so I really don't have any big excuses for not updating any of my stories... I just didn't feel like it. Plain and simple. Or maybe it has something to do with losing my best sketch pad on vacation in January... that was terrible... but I recently got a new one and am working on some cool stuff... Eh... Happy New Years... Anyhoo, Zarbon is GAY!!!! HAH!!!! You see, I really don't think Frieza is gay. Really! I don't unlike everybody else! Even despite what I wrote in the Annual Super Villain Convention fic! However... I think Zarbon IS gay. As for Captain Blue... any of you familiar with Dragon Ball (the original) should remember him as that one Red Ribbon guy that chased Goku around in a undersea abandoned pirate base... and stuff. He got killed in a tongue-to-head accident one sad sad day and was sent to H.E.L.L. and there dabbled for a while in politics before realizing the dangers of it, after a while he opened a tea shoppe and there he met Zarbon. The love of his life... *sniffs* It's such a romantic story... But I'm not going to go into detail because I don't want this story to start falling prey to homosexual humor-one chap for it is enough, anything more takes away from the story. *sighs* Well, at least I know where I'm going now and everything is almost set up. For a while I wasn't sure if I'd ever get to my "mystery man" but as I was writing this and was a bit stumped I thought... "Well shit, why not just put him here? We need some filler for this portion, we need to get him into the story, AND it'll start forming a secondary plot! GENIUS!!!" And that's exactly what I thought too... well maybe not exactly. So stay tuned for the following chapter! And I'm not going to lie to you-I DON'T KNOW WHEN THAT MIGHT BE!!! ... I might just put my Animorph stories on hold to get this done... 


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